Rach

Peacelovenaomily
2014-02-04 21:13:33 (UTC)

idk


I feel like I should write an entry bc I haven't in a while but I've been meaning to for like a week I'm usually just too lazy.

I felt kinda sick today, cramps, back pain, bloating..Not fun :c So I came home early I forget how nice it is to be home before like 6pm haha. Anyway I had a rest, watched some TV, did some exercise, had a shower and now I'm just chilling in bed. I'm /really/ /cold/ tho, ugh.

So um idk what to talk about, this weight loss thing seems to be going ok, I'm enjoying exercising more eating healthier but I just need to get out of the habit of snacking and bored/comfort eating, then I think I'll be all good. :)

Uhh I thought I had a lot to talk about but suddenly my mind is kinda blank...

I'd love to watch Orphan Black again, might buy it on DVD <3

I just ordered Jazmine's Valentines present but like ughhh it was £9 it's supposed to be up to 14 working days which means she probably won't get it until like March ffs. She still hasn't even got her birthday present :c she also relapsed and idk how I feel about that /: I'm trying not to think too much about it, or overthink it. Idk it used to really upset me and isn't not let it doesn't anymore but I try not to make in /entirely/ my problem bc if I could catch a plane right now and just stay with her, cuddle and kiss every single one of her scars, I would. If I could lie in bed with her all day only get up to make her coffee or hot chocolate and watch as much Supernatural as she wants, I would. But unfortunately I can't do these things, so I settle for facebook and skyping when we can, for paying loads of deliveries that don't even deliver anywhere near on time just bc I want to get her something. I'll for all this bc I'm not 18 yet. Ughhh. I do wish I could help more tho. I'm doing my best, I tell her I love her as much as I can and try to remind her she's beautiful and yea.

So um, sometimes I wonder things. I mean, Jazmine is first of all a friend. She's becoming my best friend tbh. But she's also my girlfriend and yeah it's an open relationship but it's getting to the point where it doesn't feel like it. And maybe that's bc she's one of my best friends too or bc I never open up that much to anyone else but idk. Neither of us directly like anyone else. But idk, Xavier still likes her and at first it really bothers me, but now it doesn't so much.. and sometimes I think it'd be nice for her to have someone over there. I mean she said she doesn't like him that way but idk, if there's anyone else.. I mean she deserves someone who can /really/ help her. But I suppose whether that person exists or not has nothing to do with me. I think regardless she doesn't have that person. I wish she did, like someone that could hug her when she's upset and stay with her and give her all those things I can't give her.

Idk, sometimes I feel lonely. Other times I feel like I just wanna meet someone but I feel like our relationship is worth more than a kiss. Like even tho it's an open relationship, it still feels like it would be cheating.. But I think that's bc if only one of us did it, it would feel really imbalanced. Idk, sometimes I'm like "no ugh I love my girlfriend, only her, she's perf.." and other times I'm like "no I just wanna go out have fun and be able to kiss hot people" but those don't feel like two things I can do simultaneously idk.


I'm rambling here so I'm gonna go now. I might write again tomorrow.

Also Miss Wilson was off yesterday & today, I'm basically praying she'll be off tomorrow so I have more frees to get work done bc I've done nothing tonight /:




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