Games of Life
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2014-02-03 23:34:31 (UTC)


I had to get on my knees in order to convince them to let me get in to the surgery room with him. Unfortunately the doctors can't let me in during the operation. I could stay until he fell asleep and then they told me i must leave the room. But he didn't know that.. I wasn't able to tell him that i wouldn't be right there next to him as i promised. It would make him feel insecure and he would change his mind. We still weren't sure about the results of the surgery but it has to be done. There's no other option. Standing now next to him, i was caressing his arm with both of mine. I could tell he was nervous.. I felt his hands shaking while i was holding him although he was trying to convince me about the opposite "I'm fine babyy.. I didn't get anxious at all. I'm just really glad that you're here with me!" A tear was standing there at the corner of my eye ready to stream down but i held it inside. I smiled and he smiled back. Finally the doctors were ready. "Ok mister.." one said "we're about to give you a sedative injection. You'll count till ten and you'll fell asleep." He turned this face on me now so he wouldn't watch the injection. At no time i leaned my head towards and whispered into his ear"Close your eyes and you'll see me when you wake up again.." I touched my lips on his and i gave him a gentle kiss. He tuned it back right away but our kiss was starting to become weak with every touch. I opened my eyes and realised he was already asleep. "I'll look after you.." I let go his hand and a nurse led me out. I placed my back against the wall, slipped on the floor and i bursted out in tears. But on the other hand i was pleased because there was no-one there to see me in that condition. I was crying by myself. When i left him inside, he kept everything with him including the half piece of my heart. It was like a huge hole that's been punched through my chest. There was nothing left here now.

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