Eel

On An Edge

When I walk into school, I feel so many things.
None of them being happiness. I feel everything else,
but it's not happiness.
And it's not love either.

When I told Ovaries the thing about my hugs,
I did mean it. It sucks because it's so true.
I never actually tried to fix it, or be so needy...
Yet, I just try so hard to be so happy and it never works.
I love him! I love him and it sucks so much.
I love him and he knows, but he acts like he doesn't.
It's so hard to be happy because just that is ripping me apart from the inside.

I wonder if Rafael actually saw me...awkward.
I actually think he's kinda cute though. I really like his eyes and when his beard is trimmed down. He's a fun guy to be around.
Rafael is straight though. Lol, wish he wasn't.

God has a way of bringing the Bible out in me.
They saw in Leviticus that homosexuals should be stoned to death...
but, see if you are, at least he'll make you feel like it. You know?
Or others will...Allah/God is supposedly all-knowing, all merciful and just at the same time. I don't understand me.

I don't understand my life anymore. I'm so hungry all of the time but I can't eat my tears away.