Wildheart

Rantings of a restless mind
2014-01-29 22:45:01 (UTC)

New Chapter

So I have been extremely busy with my job and implementing our Public Transit Operation. We are in the final phase and will be starting our service soon. I am excited to see where we go and grow with this service.
On another note, I was contacted by a woman who was in my daughter's life while she was alive. She expressed the difficulty in contacting me due to the fact that she, as well as other's have very negative emotions towards me. As I listened to her words, I understood where they were coming from, but couldn't help but feel angered by the judgment directed towards me. As I did some research on this woman and her family I see where they had some influence on the path my daughter chose which, ultimately, led to her murder... we all played a part, including her father, so how is it that they could sit in judgment of me? I thought about the things said and allowed guilt to creep in with the sorrow... my boss/friend suggested I attend a survivors support group. Maybe... if it doesn't help, at least I know I tried. This is all a process for me though and I feel that in time I will be good again. I did appreciate her contacting me and she is willing to share information she has, which may shed light on some of the mystery. I am willing to put aside my personal feelings and work with anyone I can to find information that will lead us to my daughter's murderer(s) and hopefully, the justice she deserves. Although I also know that if it does not happen in this life, judgment will come to us all in the end. I am proceeding with caution here.
I have come to a conclusion about living in the NOW... it is the only way to have peace and joy in our hearts... I have prayed for the ability to be healed and to let go of all things that are not in the now. I have had much experience in robbing myself and other's because of holding on to the past and un-forgiveness. I have many people I have hurt and pray that they will be able to forgive me, to set themselves free. My love for them remains either way, even if some are to be loved from afar.
This new chapter in my life also includes choosing to live an abundant life in God's favor, to love freely without expectation and to seize every opportunity to let those who are in my life know just how much I appreciate them being here. I have chosen to also open myself up to the possibility of finding love again, this time with the self love and respect I have for myself. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I will keep you posted... =0)




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