2014-01-26 02:12:09 (UTC)

Semester Two

When finals ended, I was so happy. Every time something amazing happens,
I convince myself I can start over and start anew and do all these things...
just like New Years, or when Finals ended, or probably even when my birthday comes up too. I shouldn't be promising myself such false things.

When I told myself, I was gonna make new friends.
I wish I had an ultimate power to open others up. Why is that so easy for me at times,
and not for others? Like, there are certain people I can do it for but for others I really can't.

Like...during finals, I was able to talk to Ahmed. I put my arm around him and everything and i could've sworn i caught a smile. Speaking of which, reminds me of the tsundere characters. Ayano is an ultimate tsundere from kaze no stigma, and strangely reminds me of Sakura from naruto. Which I should probably catch up on.

I'm not ever feeling well anymore. I admit all these feelings I have for people and it only backfires on me. Like there's never a net positive result from this me confessing my crushes. I remember how destroyed I was when Aisha had kissed Phil at homecoming, but really, what was i expecting? When I feel like I have forgotten, i see things like the video of him shirtless and i want to kill myself. Because every single brick i've put into cementing a brick wall against him just collapses to shit and I have to start all over. It really sucks.

this guy, irving, gigi's boyfriend, he's really cool.

i have a newfound passion for doing choreography, after being the choreographer for a mashup, and i have renewed my love for Passion once more after fresstyling to Gravity several times. also, singing too, because Idina menzel is such a goddamn goddess at everything she sings. Elsa's part in the Reprise for For the First Time in Forever is incredible. I wish I had a voice like that.

I wish I had a voice.
I wish I could dance.
I wish I wasn't so sensitive.
I wish I was liked.
I wish I had a body.
I wish I wasn't weak.
I wish I had straight teeth.
I wish my hair was always short.
I wish I wasn't so hairy.
I wish I had the power to open up others,
I wish people saw me as strong but as they knew me they saw me as soft.

I have so many insecurities, and mostly
I wish I could tell what people were thinking.

I'm so pathetic.