lanaeAzor

I Found Her
2014-01-21 23:03:15 (UTC)

sixteen

Looking in the mirror, standing there just staring. Not so happy with how I look. Not so developed like the other girls. thinking as if my turn to blossom will never appear. I hated how I looked, I nit picked everything. From my hair, un even skin color, being skinny. It was the worst. On top of that as I reached 12 grade 16 turning 17 I became the most hated girl in school. Girls were mean , made up rumors about me making everyone turn against me. I was lost I was dealing with my insecurities and also issues at home. Nothing seemed to be going right. I shut myself off from the world. I was lonely , no one to reach out to. My boyfriend at the time dumped me because of these girls and rumors, he didn't want to deal with drama. As if it was my fault. As if I wanted more drama in life. I really liked him and that put the cherry on top. I chopped off my hair looking for a change. Nope that didn't really help.

That's when I came across something sharp. I thought about it, I knew that I shouldn't do it. But I Did, I couldn't handle the stress I didn't know how. I pulled up my sleeves and began to cut. the blood came , I felt better. I found my escape. didn't do it for attention. I did it trying to find a way out. It was official I was a cutter. I would use anything I can find that's sharp, whether it was a needle, a blade, scissor , even a bobby pin believe it or not. I would rip the strip at the end of the pin and I would just keep digging and scrapping my skin until I seen blood. I wouldn't wear shirts with no sleeve, or I would wear bangles. I was pretty good at keeping it a secret. When ever I felt hurt I would cut. At home everything was a tornado. Money got short and we became angry. everyone would take out they anger on each other. I would come home and just go straight to my room, I hardly came out, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want my parents knowing I was the most hated girl in school, that I had all these issues. I wanted to fix it on my own. I became mute. I felt as if no one would understand me.


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