Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2014-01-21 08:03:38 (UTC)

Long roads, time extant

It's been a long time since I wrote in a journal or diary.

Lets see, I stopped drinking coke and pepsi back in july, well, any kind of soda/pop drinks, and just recently stopped drinking juice of any kind which has been a real battle, I'm winning though. I figure mid april or may I'll have it kicked. Then it's just bread and junk food, well, and from there, I think I think I'll be really good.

My friends, I really only talk to 3 people anymore, 1 online who I've never met but would like to, 1 who lives here but, seems to I don't, seem to be distant, and then Liam on occasion. I need to get out more, I have been getting out, but, I need different out, I know a lot of people, but they're, not the kind of people who're interested in actually hanging out, seeing movies, or concerts etc, so much drama. I think I might be feeling a bit lost, I dunno, I just feel, stagnant.

I got a job back in november, still have it, haven't wanted to quit, and they haven't fired me, so, maybe it's a winner, it's been, a long time since I actually enjoyed a job, and I do to a point, but, it's sort of, I feel like I'm not really going to accomplish anything, and then there's the total lack of upward mobility. they threw me to the wolves and I've come back dripping blood, so to speak, I don't think they really care, and they haven't fired me, so, there is that. I'm going to look for another job come april, if I survive through february. I suspect I will. The shifts are great, but my sleep schedule is totally fubar, shifts are 3 to 9 m/t/t/f, but I don't get to sleep til 6am, which totally sucks. I'm slowly trying to revamp it so I can get to sleep at 2am which is pretty nominal for me really. I really wish there was somewhere I go upwards in the company, there isn't but it's nice to dream.

Car is a bit of a mess, like always, needs new windshield, new rear brakes, tires for the spring and then come march I need to insure it here. So that'll be a bit of work. More than I want to spend on it, but, hey, there it is, and all the planning for my kickstarter projects has all but halted, mostly because I need to fix the car before anything else. but on the plus side, my bankruptcy ends march 1st. I'm soo happy.

Keep meeting girls I sort of am interested in, but they never hold my interest, and the one I want, well, she barely knows me, and I think I'd scare her off anyways, and I'm too fat. I figure I get to a good weight instead of what I currently am and she might think differently about me, but, the friend zone being what it is, well, cest la vie as they say. Met a different girl at a party over the weekend who lives 5 blocks from me, 25, 5'8, curves in all the right places, and has a gorgeous laugh. I really need to boost my self esteem, feeling sorry for myself is so very unattractive. My friend jeff said to me the other day "if she's worth it she'll see past you being overweight", I wanted to punch him, not out of malice, but out of frustration, people who say that, they mean well, but they're so blind to reality. girls don't like fat guys, anymore than guys like fat girls. it might be wrong, but it's the truth I live with, most girls I meet aren't interested, doesn't matter that I'm a romantic, kind, sensitive, manly in the best ways, they want ripped abs, and if they don't want ripped abs they at least want healthy looking. I am not that, not yet, anyways.

I think, I am happy, at least a little, things are definitely looking up for this year, and I'm going to keep plugging away at my little victories, who knows, maybe I'll get the girl in 2 or 3 years, maybe my projects will all pan out, maybe I'll find the right job for me, I'm patient, I've waited this long, whats a little longer right?