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2014-01-19 22:22:27 (UTC)

Oddly Happy

"Lips of an Angel" by Hinder

Sunday January 19, 2014 10:24 PM

I feel... Oddly content with myself. Like fully happy with myself. Now I know I'm ready to be with another person.

But I won't think about that right now. And I won't go searching for it because that could ruin everything.

I'll just try and enjoy being with myself. Actually, I don't have to try. I already enjoy my own company. But I have to patient. I have a lot of love to give plus I am so open to trying new things. I don't like being awkward. I'm working on it.

I try to be my best. I can still be better though.

I feel so good and so happy. Who would've known that Thursday night I cried myself to sleep? It's good I didn't smoke with Sam this weekend. She invited me but I said no because I didn't feel like having to be around people (especially since I didn't really know the other kid) and also because smoking messes me up for like a week after I do it (weed btw). Like I'll get super depressed and then fine then depressed then happy maybe even elated and then depressed and so on. My emotions get rocky which is not how they are normally. Normally I am steadily calm and happy. In fact when I'm happy (should I say at peace? Serene?) nothing really penetrates me. Even my anxiety doesn't reach a physical level. No sweating, no hard thumping heart beats, no burning stomach just the anxious thoughts that are usually a side dish to all this.

I feel good. Goodnight world. I may be lonely but at least I'm strong.