My Heart Is Not A Machine
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2014-01-13 21:12:39 (UTC)

First day

January 13th, 2014 - 9:13PM
Currently Listening To: Miike Snow - Animal

It felt so weird to be at school today. It almost feels like nothing changed and I never left.

Yesterday Z and I drove back to school. I was dropped off to his house in the morning and I had breakfast with his family. Yes, you read that correctly, his family... I had already met his mom the first time I stayed over, but I never met his dad. I didn't expect Z's dad to be there at all but there he was, so I got to meet him. I also wasn't expecting to sit down to breakfast with his family. I didn't feel nervous or anything but I felt a little shy in front of both his parents. Overall I think it went well.

During breakfast Z showed me all the pictures and videos he took in Africa. It was so cool! He also had some awesome Africa artwork that he brought home, which I thought was adorable. He even brought me back a little souvenir lion that you have to build, but I think we're going to build it together. Should be fun!

After breakfast we started to pack up the car and head out. The drive was great, no traffic or bad weather for once. Me and Z talked for almost the whole ride, something we didn't do the last couple times. For some reason things feel different now, in a good way. I feel more comfortable around him, and we're starting to open up to each other. We talked about ex's, his friend's girlfriend problems, parents, typical life stuff that we hadn't discussed before. Like always he held my hand during some of the ride, which was insanely cute.

When we arrived to school he dropped me off so I could unpack. I also went out to dinner with the girls and that was a lot of fun. I'm really glad I went, my original plan was to go straight to Z's house after unpacking, but after all the time we spent in the car I figured I should see my girl friends.

Once dinner was over I went over to Z's house and we hung out. He's still jet lagged though so he passed out early, but I just stayed awake next to him and cuddled.

This morning I went to my hip hop dance class. It was so much fun! I can tell it's going to be awesome. It was a little awkward because the instructor made us do this icebreaker thing, but other than that it was great. My girl friend is also in the class with me, which is super fun.

After hip hop I got coffee with my friend and went to the library to eat a sandwich. At the library my other close friend came and we chatted for a bit.

My next class didn't start till 5 today, so I went to my painting studio to start the painting for the boy band. I bought $50 of supplies, which was annoying. It doesn't sound like a lot, but for a medium sized painting it is. I also had to buy gesso and mineral spirits. The canvas itself is always $20, sometimes more. I'm scared because I barely have any money and I'll have a lot more supplies to buy for my other classes.

I planned on painting today but that didn't work out. While I was waiting for gesso to dry two of the other painting majors came into my studio to say hello. I ended up going their studio (there are two separate painting major studios) and chatting with them for a long time. Before I knew it it was almost 5 and I had to go to my next class.

My 5pm class is a textile screen-printing class. That means we get to print images onto cloth. I love to draw so I'm excited to draw up some cool things and make prints out of them. It's so expensive though, I have to buy $100 worth of print money for this class. Not happy about that. Do these people think we have money growing out of our butts?!

The class didn't take long which is nice. Unfortunately it's a 4 hour class so it ends at 9pm, but my professor assured us it's a fun class, and there is no homework or outside work, so that's nice.

Once class was over I went back to my room and had dinner. I texted Z and told him about class. We agreed to meet up tonight however I think he's in volleyball practice or something because he hasn't texted me back about hanging out yet.

I had a semi-unpleasant surprise today, and once again it involves a guy. I love how some people think they can just talk to you whenever they feel like it. I met his guy last year, we'll call him J, in my painting class. We started talking and hanging out a lot, to the point where I'd see him every weekend for several hours at a time. It was weird though because we spent a lot of one on one time together yet he didn't seem interested on actually moving forward/going on a date.

I ended up having a huge crush on him, but I grew increasingly impatient with him because 1) he was a horrible a texter 2) he never had time to see me 3) he decided to drop off the face of the earth and completely stop talking to me. I was so disappointed and let down when this happened, but I learned to just stop trying and leave it alone. As expected, he never contacted me once and we didn't speak for months.

Last semester I ran into J when leaving one of the food cafe's. It wasn't the first time I saw him around campus, but I did a good job of avoiding him. He noticed I was behind him and we talked for a bit. After that I kept seeing him, and then finally one day in the dining hall he cornered me at the drink section and said we should "hang out." Oh, so now you want to hang out?

At that point I was pretty into Z so I never actually ended up seeing J.

When I was in my night class today I got a lovely text from J saying that we should hang and that he's been "busy" with his schoolwork.

See now, I don't mind having a platonic lunch with J, so I told him we can get lunch in the cafe. I expected the conversation to end there but now he won't stop texting me.

Now I feel even more compelled to have this exclusive talk with Z. I don't like J at all and it's just an innocent lunch, but I feel slightly guilty doing that without Z knowing about it (I have no idea what J's intentions are either).

Last night when I was with Z he was being so cuddly and cute, I couldn't handle it. We were looking into each other's eyes, giggling, squeezing each other, the works.

So why hasn't he asked me to be exclusive yet? I mean I had breakfast with his family yesterday! Should I mention the lunch thing? Should I mention being exclusive later? Should I stop being nice to J and just forget about it? I'll admit, we were definitely friends last year, and I don't really see anything wrong with getting lunch in between classes with him and catching up, just for old times sake. I hope that isn't a bad idea though? I don't know!

I should mention that when I told Z I was going out to dinner last night he asked who I was going with. Does that mean anything? I wish he would just ask me to be his girlfriend, and now I'm starting to get nervous he doesn't feel that serious about us but is just liking the company.

Okay I need to stop this and calm down before I end up writing an entire essay! Maybe I will talk to Z tonight about the whole exclusivity thing. Maybe...