2014-01-08 07:02:05 (UTC)


It's been a really long day.
And guess what? It hasn't even started.

Lots of things have changed over break. But for starters, I'm actually really excited to see my friends again. Haha, I watched Samir walk into the door and he looks. Even the people I don't talk to look pretty chill this week. Even the people I hate. I'm looking forward to this week. I've had nothing to do, I have nothing to do, and I will have bio to do. lol fml.

I looked outside into the snow. The first thing I noticed was the inches of white dust covering every single object in sight, even a few of the trees. I don't remember much about the blizzard two years ago but it was fun having school off those days too. CPS kids make such a big deal about having days off, but wait until they get to college and they can actually pick their schedules, you know? Haha.

Samir approached me and actually talked to me. He was chill! I knew it. I get to go PUNCH ZUBAIR IN THE FUCKING FACE. You know, after he had told me that Samir was one of those type of people who told everything to their mom, I couldn't help but picture him as one of those stuck-up people who would tell their moms if something were to go wrong.

The next two freshmen that stepped in were Oscar and Jermaine. I don't talk to either of them much, but I don't like either of them too much anyway. It's kinda difficult to communicate with them seeing that they're super hyperactive about everything and make overtly blunt opinions.I'm not about to get their attention...

I stood up all night, leading up to today's colloquium. I didn't want to, but something wouldn't leave my mind. The thoughts of hugs. During break, I had told Ovais my situation about hugs releasing my social anxiety. However, since I haven't hugged my friends all break, I'm on edge. But I got Tasqin to call him Ovaries, which was a beautiful start to one of my days. I also just had happened to finished Fringe and Attack on Titans. I miss the shows dearly. Outside the atrium they're marooning up people, but I don't want anything or anyone near or on my face today.

Zubair better bring me my motherfuckin' Hello Pandas today. He don't know nothing about Meiji chocolate, that nigga. He don't know nothin' about life. Sometimes, it still runs through my head what Ahmed told him. He would take under his wing...and then just isolate him so cruelly because of Zeiba. All night, I couldn't stop thinking about what I would do if I found one of my brownie friends crying. What if I just by chance happen to stumble upon them breaking down? Does that even happen? Probably not. But then again, with the softness of some, I still wouldn't be too sure.

With love, comes hatred. And with a really long love, comes a really deep hatred. The hatred is starting to leak for Phil. Little by little. I still love him, a lot...but little by little. He shakes me. I could understand why he wouldn't want to go with me to Homecoming, that's kinda gay and too much for him. But he will go with Aisha, and also ask her to prom...and I just find that a little selfish. But then again it's him, it's not my problem, and now he's saying he just might not go to hoco at all.

I forgot Mathew existed. This is a little awkward. What do I say to him when I see him now. I hope he got less cute or something. I hope I don't end up hating him. I'm going to end up detesting Japheth and Erick by year's end. You know why? Because they're heading down that jock path, the jocks that don't give a fuck about anyone. They seem like they're cool now, but that's how the jocks were freshman year. Cool, before they lost themselves to influence of other people. Japheth never replied to my texts, and I talked to Josh a few days before. I hope he really does miss me. I hope all the people who left really do miss me.

Dawn is beginning to light the sky. I would kill to see an aurora of lights right now above the trees, but there's only lines of white and grey clouds, the one that looks like lights but aren't.

You know it's funny, how people change, within the snap of a finger. Just around their friends, or anyone in general. Just put them around someone they love the most and suddenly the world around them...just seems to vanish. Just seems to fade...doesn't seem to matter anymore. But again...not for me to say.

Talking to Melisa is a blast. She's like me, just the older, more mature version. And female.

I'll catch up later. Happy 400th!