My Heart Is Not A Machine
2014-01-03 00:56:37 (UTC)


January 3rd, 2014 - 12:56AM
Currently Listening To: Bon Iver - Flume

I turned 22 years old exactly a month ago. 22 feels strange, and it definitely didn't feel very exciting. I caught myself writing "21" when prompted for my age while filling out paperwork today. 21 was a great age, mostly because I was finally legal to buy alcohol, but I had a lot of fun being 21.

These past couple nights I've been barely sleeping. Last night was especially bad, I was just lying there waiting for sleep to happen, except it practically never did. I know I'm not sleeping because I've been lounging around all day, but I never have anything to do! The snowstorm that is going on right now isn't helping. I'll probably be stuck inside again tomorrow due to the snow and bitter cold.

What should I do now? Watch more Gossip Girl? Continue my orca drawing? Waste more time on Reddit? Play Sonic?

I'm so bored.

Tomorrow I plan on making no-bake brownies. They're mint chocolate chip squares filled with crushed mint Oreo's, chocolate chips, and creme de menthe. I saw the recipe on Reddit and they looked delicious! I plan on giving some to Z when he returns. I hope he likes them.

Speaking of Z, I miss him a lot. I want him to have fun, so I've been keeping some slight distance. Plus he is the kind of guy who'd rather tell you things in person instead of text/messenger. He told me some small details about his trip, but obviously there is a lot more to tell and he probably won't sit there writing a 5-page message about his travels. I wouldn't mind if he did, but you know...

I get to see him in one week so that is good. Even better I go back to school in one week! FINALLY! I miss my school friends. I have some close friends here but one of them is always busy and the other is in Florida right now. I really have no interest in reaching out to my other high school friends. We all changed, or at least I did. I feel like I have nothing in common with them anymore, and the last time I went to a "get together" a lot of people were just sitting around on their phones. It was so awkward.

Is it bad that I have no interest in maintaining those friendships? I always see pictures plastered all over Facebook of high school people getting together. I probably should've branched out more, I hung out with the same five people all four years. Oh well, I enjoy the company of my college friends wayyyyy more.

I'm listening to the "sleepytime indie" station on Songza right now. It's a great radio station for relaxing. Unfortunately it isn't making me feel sleepy yet.

I would love to be on a beach right now. Or on the streets in Paris looking at vintage Chanel bags. Or discovering a hidden alleyway in Spain. Or seeing the waterfall at Niagara Falls (maybe I will convince Z to go on a road trip with me there).

There are so many things I want to do, but I never know how to do them. I want to visit every state, every country, maybe travel the world? I want to paint murals, swim off the coast of the Canary Islands, buy a husky, go on a cruise, visit the largest aquarium in the world, dine on a rooftop, visit a winery or vineyard, buy a cute apartment in NYC.

As you can tell I have a lot of dreams. I'm sure I'll get around to them one day, hopefully when I'm rich and not a broke college student.

Never give up on your dreams.

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