My Heart Is Not A Machine
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2014-01-01 12:15:28 (UTC)

Happy New Year!

January 1st, 2014 - 12:15PM
Currently Listening To: Rhye - Open

So I guess it's finally 2014 huh? I have some mixed emotions about this. For one, I'm kinda glad 2013 is over. Don't get me wrong, 2013 was great in many ways, but at the same time it was an extremely challenging year for me. 2014 probably won't be any better, but I hope it will provide some big changes.

In 2014 I want to:

1). Graduate college. Wait, what? Graduate? Is it already that time of my life? It will be scary but exhilarating at the same time. I remember freshman year like it was yesterday, the tears, confusion, rebellion, the stupid mistakes...

2). FIND A JOB. Ugh. This scares me even more than graduation. What if I never find one? What if I'm living with my parents till I'm 25 (NOT ACCEPTABLE)? What if I'm forever poor? I hope to find a job with a company and work for their design department. I know how to use Photoshop, Illustrator, and I could teach myself InDesign. I also know how to draw, paint, make videos, and do ceramics. Not that I would ever pursue a career in ceramics or anything.

3). Move out of my house (if I can afford it). If I'm lucky I will find a job shortly after graduation and make a decent first-job salary. I know some college friends who will also be in the city and we could all possibly live together, that way rent will be SLIGHTLY cheaper, and most 2 or 3 bedroom apartments in the city seem to be nicer.

4). Continue my art (painting, drawing, digital drawing, etc.)

5). Commit to a gym schedule. I want to go to the gym three times a week: Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. Arm day can be on Monday, treadmill/elliptical time on Thursday, and leg day on Saturday. I've always gone to the gym but I got really lazy with it last semester, and unfortunately it showed. I don't think I have a self image problem but I definitely used to. My ex was mean and told me my body could be "improved," meanwhile I was 5'7'' and 120 pounds at the time. He also said horrible things like if a girls thighs were touching he would dump them, the gym is more important than family, etc. So glad I dumped that loser, he was a macho gym addict!

6). Travel somewhere new, whether it be a different state, country, or continent.

7). Continue working on my independence.

8). Keep track of money better, especially when I get a big girl job.

9). Start paying off student debt (holy cow I'm already at 20k in student debt right now, yikes).

10). Keep seeing Z and develop a promising relationship with him.

So that is my list of things I want to do. There are many more things of course but these are the main things. I also want to keep writing in this diary, although I'm horrible at keeping up with diaries.

Even though it's New Years I'm already pretty bored. I miss Z, he was being so cute last night! He said he really wished I was with him and that he missed me, and he can't wait to show me all the photos and videos he's taken. I don't even know when he's coming back but it definitely has to be next week because we have to drive upstate next weekend.

What should I do today? It's cloudy outside, and cold. I really want to drive but I don't want to waste gas. Maybe I'll draw some more. And watch Gossip Girl on Netflix.

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy New Year!