some guy

Who Cares?
2001-10-10 15:37:47 (UTC)

The package

I'm stuck at home waiting for a package. I don't think it's
going to arrive.
Things were going well. She was being really nice to me. I
was a bit put out by this I have to admit, but it was nice.
It felt like she loved me again, and wanted to be with me
again. I loved that feeling so much. The feeling that
someone wants you.
But after a week and five days (yes, I counted) she must've
got bored of it and everything returned to how it was.
Man, I hate it when it's like this.
For some reason at work on Monday all I could think about
was her and her ex together. It really got me down. I told
her I was feeling depressed. Nothing. So we plodded on
through the evening and went to bed unhappy.
Next morning it was fine again. We came home for lunch and
I was really happy. We were hugging and playing and it was
really great, like it had been in the begining. then when
we get home she wouldn't come sit with me. Oh well. Then,
just as dinner was ready I got the ketchup out of the
fridge. (Holy shit, not the ketchup!!) Well, I had
forgotten that she had made some other sauce but she
mentioned it so I but the ketchup away. Too late. She was
in a real foul mood after that. Over fucking KETCHUP for
fucks sake!!! Jesus. It makes me so mad sometimes.
I guess there was actually more to it that the ketchup but
she just wouldn't tell me what.
We were going to watch a film but she decided to do the
washing up instead, then it was too late to watch it so we
went to bad - silently.
I didn't sleep at all. I can never sleep if we've gone to
bed like that. I didn't tell her I loved her either. I hate
that. I always like to tell her I love her before we go to
sleep. But I didn't.

I've just sent her an email telling her how I feel and
asking her to tell me how she feels. I know she won;t tell
me face to face so I figure maybe she'll be able to write
it down.
I hope so. I don't know how much longer we can go on like
this and I couldn't bear to loose her.
No matter what I might say, I still love her more than
anything, and the thought of loosing her kills me.

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