Nerdgirl1985

The truths and lies I live
2013-11-22 08:28:09 (UTC)

Acceptance

Its possible Ive been just searching for acceptance all my life. I mean i always felt like my parents couldnt stand to be sober around me. As an adult i see that was there own issues that had nothing to do with me but as a child thats how i felt. I got picked on in school. I discovered masturbation around 5th grade, which is young for a girl. Well when i told a group of friends about it i suddenly became a faucet fucker. Now i get how ridculous that sounds now. Shower heads are one of Gods gift to women. But back then it ruined my life. Boys dumped me bc they got picked on for dating the girl who humps faucets. Again i get how silly it sounds now but it really had a huge impact on my life. The whoring started when i was 18 i lost my virginity to a guy who was just a friend. I was bored on valentines day and it was every teenage boys dream, " hello listen wanna have unattached sex?" Obviously guys didnt want to date me i was overweight (145 lbs and 5'6) and not interesting at all. It was so easy to lie to myself as well I didnt want a relationship i didnt want all that complication. I found it with my husband, but it still seems to not be enough. I've found it with my heart but its still not enough. I am not sure it will ever be enough, if i can value myself in any sense. I wonder if people were accepted more often for who they are, how many less problems there'd be in the world




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