☣PYROMANIAC☣

✖✖Playing With Matches✖✖
2013-11-08 01:01:56 (UTC)

Lost In Thought

This is something I wrote in a notebook yesterday..

"I don't have the words to describe how afraid I am.

I'm doing so bad in my last class, that my teacher (Who is one of my favorites) Wrote on a rubric that I need to do better.
I felt like such a disappointment.

I told myself I'd start doing better.
I said it at the beginning of the year.
I said it after the beginning of the year.
I said it after the first week.
I said it after the first nine weeks.
I said it every day when I woke up.
I say it at the beginning of every class.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I get so low.
The more depressed I get..
The more difficult the assignments become.
Before I know it, I'm buried with work.
I get so far behind..

I try. I really really try.
I try to read the directions and follow through.
But I find myself rereading over and over..
My focus is gone.
My mind isn't here.
It isn't in the words and numbers on the pages.
Sometimes I just can't understand any of it.
Sometimes my mind drifts so far away that I just sit and stare at the page.
I just can't find the will to work.
I can't shake this mind numbing fog.
So many thoughts crowd my head,
So much nonsense in no particular order.
Pulls me away from reality.
I can get so confused and so forgetful..
I can be talking and then completely forget what I'm talking about mid-sentence.. this happens EVERYDAY multiple times.
I can't concentrate..
I get to a point where I just don't care.
Where I don't see a reason to try anymore,
I don't see a reason to continue on.

I'm letting my grandparents down..
I'm letting myself down..
And I'm the only one to blame.

I'm so tired of being such a disappointment."

~LoveStruck</3




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