Ready to live again
2013-11-04 20:46:50 (UTC)

Ready to start over.... i hope

Well i'm on another diary site... i guess it's time to just let it all go... i'm 31 and i'm a single father of 5 kids.. well separated but i'm single in my mind.. i really can't stand my ex.. i live in rhode island and she lives in new mexico.. and i hate that she took my kids so far away.

i guess to really put it into perspective we where together for about 7
years, married for six. and the last 3 years.. it just seemed like she couldn't care less about sex or our marriage or us.. her sister and mother where always around.. and we really just never got to be just us.

i've been trying to move forward and move on. i really want that.. i really want to find an amazing women. i mean i've signed up for ok cupid! for gods sake and nothing is happening with that at all. i'm just tired i guess... i'm agoraphobic(meaning i don't go out much) i have really bad panic attacks and depression.. yeah i'm one hot catch aren't i? i wish.. i've had girlfriends since but.. nothing solid.. all i want is to be able to hold someone and call them mine and have them call me theirs. it's all i want. i know i'm not the best looking person in the world. but we all deserve someone to be with! i just don't know anymore.. i've felt suicidal before. like giving up. just letting it all go. but i know my kids would hate me if i did. i love them with all my heart. i cry because i miss them. miss them with everything i have.

i have very little in this world. i live with my parents since the split.. i'm lonely and sad... i just want it to stop... i just want it to all stop for once.. i just want to be able to smile again.. i fear it'll never happen.

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