LustingforNightmares

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2013-11-02 21:17:57 (UTC)

Calm Before The Storm

"Anywhere But Here" by Mayday Parade

Saturday November 2, 2013 10:18 PM


I cried too many times today. I don't like saying my life sucks or this feels like hell because I know it could be so much worse.

We fought a lot today, like we did yesterday. Not one word about anorexia. Damn straight. I ate like five pancakes and two eggs for breakfast and then chinese food and craisins.

Not exactly healthy. Not starving myself, either.

I hated my dad a little less. I'd talk about the fights but I really don't want to remember. The after math was like depression only I wasn't beating myself up. It wasn't me who was my own enemy. I just went to the basement... listened to music, cried for awhile, and exercised. And punched the hell out of that bag. I hate that I can't use my right hand (I punched the skin off a couple of my knuckles the other day and it hurts to hit the bag) but whatever.

So we finally saw Carrie. It was pretty good. Kinda strange. In the beginning, they completely forgot that when a baby is born, you have to cut the umbilical cord. It just disappeared. And also, in the school, they had one of those water things, a huge water jug upside down and then it has a little paper cup holder on the side and you press a lever and water comes out, right? But it was glass. And Carrie made it explode. And they just kept talking. Strange.

But the ending was awful. It was fine, story wise, but it was so quick. So rushed. I swear there was about 60 seconds of closing scene. It was ridiculously short. Otherwise, I liked the movie.

On our way home, Caroline was talking about how her insomnia began making her crazy and jumped in because one of her stories sounded so much like something I experienced.

So, I don't know long ago, I just know it was before April. As I was falling down the rabbit hole, spiraling. Okay. Sorry about all the fragmented sentences. (Does "fragmented sentences" even make sense? When a sentence is a fragment, doesn't that mean it's not a sentence at all?)

So I didn't sleep some nights. I just... Didn't. I tried for awhile and then I got up and did other things. Too tired to think straight but not tired enough to sleep. When I went to school, it was strange, I felt energetic. But then during class, I was trying so hard not to fall asleep and my dreams bled into reality.

At some point, there was some weird mist cloud in my math teachers room. In music, my teachers face kept spinning and turning into different faces.

I must've written about it. I shall go on a search!!!

I've had a horrible headache all day!!! The past couple days, my head has been pain free so this is not pleasant. Before then, I was totally used to it.

OK enough boringness. I'll go now. I feel so dull.


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