Truthful

Finding my flow
2013-10-22 11:32:04 (UTC)

Another of those email from me to my hubby

I don't understand your irritation at times but I can accept it. I think you can try to be more expressive of your problems to me, I can support...
I think we can practice fasting for 'non-speaking with each other' if that can bring some peace on our relationship. Silence can be a good temporary solution. I like your idea!

I believe its time for you to give up Ego atleast in our relationship! You can very well maintain your self-respect and dignity even without this sucking ego! Trust me.

One thing I like to clarify with you that I was never interested in Pittsburgh trip but I wanted us to have vacation together before having a baby. and since you have already decided on one week off from work for your Pittsburgh trip, I thought I can align myself to with this trip so that we can be together. Idea was TOGETHERNESS otherwise I have no interest whatsoever in visiting Pittsburgh and you know the reasons (not many good memories associated with that place).
And at the end of the day, I decided not to go for this vacation is because of the health issues (not for me but more for baby!). You have understand that this is something I am not doing just for myself.
I want to emphasize again here that all my decisions nowadays are based on 'what is best for the baby!'
either it is about we two being together, not drinking, not travelling, asking you to come with me for every doctor's appointment etc...

Even when I ask you to make me feel good about myself or pampering me, caring me...it all boils down to baby!
There are lots and lots of people in this world (including my family, your family) who can pamper me!!! and make me feel secure but need of time is YOU.
For example: this is what Shagufta apa wrote on facebook message yesterday and it made me feel so good, "Good. U eat well and be happy. We love u and will always be there for u"
YOU are the father of my baby! even if everyone in the world start loving me or caring for me, I will still want you to do the same....no one else can take away your responsibilities. Please try to understand....

Giving me all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want to do will not let you go away with your responsibilities (contrary to your believes)

You are good husband in many ways but what you lacks is what you lacks! your good qualities will not make up for your limitations....you have to overcome them.
Even if takes a lifetime, I can be patient but I need to see a ray of hope! one can't go ahead without hope!

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart I want to love you more, care for you more and pamper you even more but I have to refrain myself since I feel that you will start taking all this for granted.
As simple as that, I need your Love and care for me in return of my love and care to you! (contrary to your belief that I need money or sex in return).

You can make me feel more secure as a woman! You can help me overcome my inferiority complexes.
I don't like when you say that I can't do anything about it. If you can't, who else? really!

Although I do say this often that you are weak but trust me you are not that weak that you can't even make feel your own girl, loved and cared. YOU CAN! YOU ALWAYS CAN!

I also like to clarify here that I don't want full control over the child. It's your child too! you have 50% control. I not not those control-freak mothers!!! not at all. No way!!!
unlike you, I don't aim for clones. :)
Besides, think logically, if I was that kind of girl I would have chosen different ways for having my own child! Why did I adopt a traditional method...not because I want to please the society or scared of it. I want the child to be raised in diverse but highly loving atmosphere. Think of your family and family being around to pamper the baby! how secure she will feel? she will interact with people of different believes, ideologies, ways of life...she has all the exposures but she is free to chose her own path.
All I want at the end of the day is happy and healthy baby!

yeah...I do lot of preaching but that does not mean that I believe that I am the BEST or my decisions are the best! I always discuss it with my Therapist, family, friends...

Lastly, I just wish that in-between our fights, let the winner be LOVE!

Good luck with your rest of the time in Pittsburgh, I hope it turns out to be productive.




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