Ranmat

The Last Hours
2013-10-19 11:20:44 (UTC)

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

this is where we are.

I feel i have prayed over this matter and it has helped. But because of my imperfections and tendencies to keep going backwards to the negative i have decided that maybe writing my feelings OUT might help me to get to the point of where i need to be.... quicker.

Last Tuesday was our big meeting at UCLA with a dr. that specializes in nuerology and mental disorder in children to see if jonah has what we have suspected him of having for the past 2 years..... adhd.

Now i still want to get a 2nd opinion. the first test was 600.00
I dont think that he has a severe case. He has good days and bad days. But this is the 3rd year that we have had problems at school. He meets more that 8 of the adhd characteristics. We are involved in Selpa. We have IEP's that dont help. We have complaints from teachers, students and Aids of Jonahs behavior.
Refusal to do work. Has to get out of his seat. Violates personal boundaries/space. Talks impulsively. I can go on and on. Email correspondances with teachers of his behavior..... and then some. 3 years worth. The same habits continue at home. To do homework is almost murder. He cries, makes up excuses..... I have filmed it to show to doctors. he daydreams. He interrupts. He is a walkie talkie, etc. They dont see how socially he is the odd ball and how hard it is for him to make friends. Even at the Hall because he tries to be funny guy, throws himself in the wall and makes strange noises and the other kids just kinda look at each other like "what is wrong with him"........ Well, last Tuesday he was officially diagnosed with it.

Jean, watches my son. And she does a great job. I spent an extra $400.00 a month that i could pocket so he can be in an environment with limited children, get assitance with his homework and a cooked meal around a family that worships Jehovah. She has him for about 3 hours 5 days a week. I have grown to love Jean and her family. I have given her extra money, food, supported her son when he gives talks, contributed to her party she threw, etc. and she contributed to Jonahs party and took him back when her sister failed me when she didnt plan on watching my son anymore. I know my son is safe and trust her with my son. I am forever grateful for that and ThAT is what I hold onto when I even think of Jean for any reason.

Recently I learn that Jean and I will never be closer that what we have been and something has happened to actually pull us further apart. I say this with sadness because I recently lost a friend of 20 years over something so stupid but she was of the world and I thought I replaced her with someone I could have been equally closed to in the truth.

so let me start by saying why I knew we wouldnt be super close.

I admited to her that i had a crush on a "brother" in my hall. Now, I have seen this brother for about 3 year.... had a crush for about 2 years.... and maybe have been in the same congregation with him for 7 years. I have had maybe two conversations with him in these 7 years. Yes it made me giddy but I have been celibate for a long time. The thought of mixing fluids is disquisting and I would need paperwork confirmation from a doctor that I could even consider it and only in a marriage arrangement!

Her first thing was that I was not baptize and not in a position to even be thinking about it. OK... I understand that. And whats more when i do get baptize i would not want to settle down. I want to Marinate in being dedicated. Also... whose to say he is interested. Or that we are compatible and when would I really be able to "entertain" the thought of having any kind of boyfried with My son... with my mom and with my schedule?????? Basically she made me sorry I even brought it up and it was evident at that moment that she would never be to me..... that we would never have that establish closeness of a "sista girl" relationship.

Fine.

and then this happened.

I basically got tired of being ping ponged from the school districts to the pediatrian and back regarding Jonahs behavior. The first week of the school year he was GREAT. 2nd week, the teacher had to talk to him. the 3rd week....? We are back to the same routine from Kinder and we are in 2nd grade. The Psychiastrist gave me an assessment form to give to the teacher and me. But because Jean spent so much time with him, I thought it would be good to get her input too. with 3 weeks in advance.... she said she was busy......and she was!!!! She was helping a sister who had cancer and with the pta and her reg schedule... I OVERSTOOD. The next week, I asked her again... and she stated the form was too long.... and i assured her, there was no wrong answer, I can be there to assist........ the last week she told me "she really doesnt spend enough time with Jonah, because he is really with the kids"...

OK

that screamed... "I dont want to do it"
I didnt know the reason but I knew not to ask her to do the assessment anymore.

I mean really"???????????????????????????????????

I pay you to pick him up from school. You pick him up 10 minutes earlier from his class before school lets out because he is "KNOWN" to try to run away or cause chaos. You then take him to your house, feed him, go over his homework with him.... for 3 hours, 5 days a week and this is going on the 2nd year??????????

This is what makes me furious.

We are close enough that you can be honest with me and i respect your decision. You dont want to get involved? ok.

Your husband thinks its not a good idea for you to contribute to helping me get to the bottom of really wrong with my son? OK.

But dont Bullshit me. I thought we were too close to for that.

I left it alone for what it was but at that time, I didnt know what it really was. But ok.

Then my mom picked up Jonah on that same testing day and they had an opportunity to talk. I have been so furious (its now friday) that I dont even remember what it was exactly that Jean told my mom but what I got out of it was that..... Jean does not think that Jonah has a problem.

Dont open up to my mom as if my mom is not going to say something to me. Me and my mom have talked about Jonah. She agrees something is not right as well.


And that would have been fine to say. i could respect the honesty. There is alot of controversial talk about ADHD. Most people when they think about it, think only of a child with too much energy which they should have.... and someone saying that they need to be medicated to calm down and they do that and people get mad.

Hyperness is NOT a problem for me with my child. I know how to burn out my child! I can hang with his energy. Its his atention in class. his inability to let me read a sentence in a story without interruptng me with questions. i cant teach him! iTS NOT BEING ABLE TO COMPLETE ANY Kind of school work or lesson withont being drilled or hand-held... .its the having to repeat yourself 10 times to put on your shoes, even though the shoes are in your hand and you forget because you have gotten distracted..... its so many other things that she doesnt see because she only has him for 3 hours and when she does, she ignores the signs....becauase she doesnt think he has a problem.

So what bothers me is that if you dont think my son has any issues than his behavior refllects on my parenting.

So I have no control. I am more patient with jonah because I myself need to understand ADHD more.

Before any of this would happen, I would complain about other things Jean would say. And it took me some talking to other people to really see how to deal with it.

I feel she always tries to "one up me". Or "Out mom" me.

There was the time where it was a "Jonah doesnt know how to Pray?????"""

or, Jonah doesnt understand conversation spanish, "you should take him out of it". (They having addressed conversational spanish yet and i cant take him out in the 2nd year or else he will be behind in both spanish and english. this is a commitment and they tell you this before you even start the program. She compares her kids to jonah but We dont live in a spanish speaking household like you do..... I have talked to the teachers and he is on track with where he should be).

Or Jonah doesnt know how to eat a sandwich... he takes the meat and lettuce out and eats it separately? Who cares about that? As long as he is eating,,,,, doesnt it end up inside the same way? I think its ok for a child to have his own way about doing certain things. I dont feel because i pick my battles that i should be judged.

Then it was, he doesnt know how to use a knife? Really, give an ADHD kid a knife? In due time. Not just right nowwwwwww.

There was a time where she made spagetthi on the same week I made spagetti and he didnt eat hers so she packed it away for him to eat later...... I told her we had spagetthi but she suggested I take hers because hers was better. Huh? Why is hers better? Really?

She has to tell me when I'm wrong.... Like with the definition of "Kilo" It doesnt mean a thousand. its a meaurement.
Yea? Its actually both. Now my english is getting corrected? But am I going to go out of my way to try to prover her wrong. it takes alot of energy. and I dont want to be tit for tat.

When the kids tell me stuff that happens that Jonah did like "he says "Chichiweeshi".... or Jonah Lies...... her ears perk up to see what i'm going to say. I pick him up at 5:30, I like to get home about 6. How much reprimanding and disciplining do they think I should do within that short amount of time? Because I dont at that time, does that seem that I dont discipline him?

It bothered me that she allowed her daughter to ask me did I take Jonah to the doctor because he is "crazy". I dont know whose word that is. I know children to hear conversations. That might be their word of choice. But either way, if I have expressed that I believe something is not right, couldnt that word be a lil offensive? Jean doesnt say anything. I dont say anything. But I wonder how it affects Jonah as he takes in everything.

What I get from Jean is that she is loving and she is sweet. She is thoughtful. Here I am with this huge Gripe that I'm trying to HIDE from her because I dont want her to worry or cause unneccesary conflict but I see that she is rigid and things with her are only black and white. There is no gray area. And to an extent, I can be the same way but I am more bendable because people are different. Personalities and cultures and upbringing are DIFFERENT.

I wonder as a mom if something was wrong with her child and she needed my help to help get help for her child, how would she feel if I didnt want to get involve? We do what we can for our children.

Her daughter and my son got caught kissing. There reaction was to not tell any of our friends. Spanking. no tv for the summer. and they talked about not keeping my son anymore to separate the kids. They even told the kids that they were cousins!!!!! (I had a kissing cousin!!!) Which i thought was extreme but respected if that is how you want to address it. I will support it. I thought it would be a great opportunity to have a study with the kids about it. Its natural for that age. We had an opportunity to address it but instead they were ashamed.

There was another incident where her daughter said she wish she had silly puddy (which she was playing with at the time), in service because sometimes she gets bored. And Jean grabbed her and said, "you are not bored in service, you have plenty to do, you dont lie like that"...... and I felt like, if that was me.... I wouldnt tell my mom nothing. And the thing about Katlyn is that she is very different from her sister and brother. she is more of a free, independent spirit. She needs to be closer to her parents. because she will be the one to test them the most. I thought that Jean was making a terrible mistake. Everyone is not made to follow all the rules just so. Some have the desire to be independent. From my own personal experience, it would be wiser to let your child express themselves, and see where their thoughts are... so that you as a parent will know how to guide them. I hope Katlyn realizes how important staying in the truth is.

Running different households is fine. I understand, parent make alot of mistakes but they really spend so much time, trying to give their kids all they can and creating an atmosphere that is in their best interest. I respect Mauro and Jean for that and support them. I just dont always agree with their tactics. and i think thats fine.

When I picked up Jonah the other day, he was crying. Jean had made him stay at the table and finish his homework and I could tell they had been there for a while. Her method is to get it done. But with a child that suffers from ADhD, you can get alot more out of that child by giving maybe 15 minutes intervals. I had suggested this in the past. When I came, he ran to hug me like I was saving him.

This is what now bothers me. I told her that he had been diagnosed with ADHD. She doesnt think that anytihng is wrong with him. But lets say there might be. She is not considering his condition. I understand she is not trained or equiped with the knowledge to help him but with her thinking nothing is wrong, i feel like she is not even willing to hear would might help him even though I suggested 15 min intervals. I see the look on her face and what she is going through when she is doing homework with jonah sometimes. I can believe that she thinks this is normal.

I feel like now she is just seeing me as a too - lenient mom. uncapabable. Normal disciplinary measures do not work on Jonah.
I cannot beat the boy all day or everytime he does wrong.

It eats me up because I do everything she does and more. She has a husband to tag team the kids with. She has the support of family. And she has a couple of hours if she really wanted to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea during the day while everyone is out at school and work. But yet, I feel I havent earned her respect as a parent because my son, in her eyes is undisciplined. and she is one of the very few people in my life that knows what I do. And honestly i dont need anyones respect but as my friend, i thought i would be able to have a friend "understand". But instead i feel she is just judgemental. This makes me want to be even closer to Jehovah.

My son uses his imagination and pens and pencils in play. He lines up his pens as soccer players and he goes through plays in his head. He is quietly playing when he does this. Imagination is healthy for kids like him. I see no difference in using imagination in playing with dolls. She told my mom that she doesnt allow him to do this because pens and pencils are tools.... and not toys. 'Although i think she does a great job with him, I feel like since his diagnosis, she fights battles that she doesnt have to be so rigid in fighting and its not in Jonahs beneficial behalf.

I have discussed with her prior to all of this that i need to get a new car and I cant afford to pay her and my car so I have given her a time frame in which to prepare for us not to come after dec. In a way I'd like to just stop going right now. But I love her for who she is. I know she may not know how she is making me feel and i know its not intentional. I feel again, I am caught in unnessesary unfortunate crap. But whatever,.... life is life. I just hope that one day, if i dont get married, that i could have a friend in the truth that I can truly relate to and she can relate to me and we can be ourselves and not be judged and strengthen each other into the new system. I love jean because she loves jehovah and takes great care of jonah as she knows how to do.

Otherwise...... My thoughts are already in Feb. I dont have the time or energy really for the smaller things. My plate is so full. I am so overwhelm with just the diagnosis alone. There are some things I can "ponder" a long time over. I just cant afford to.

Today is October 18th, 2013.

Jehovah give me strength.




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