LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2013-10-13 22:06:48 (UTC)

THE LOVE IN PHILOVESOPHY

Usually, I capitalize and all that shit but I mean when the words keep pouring out of you, the shift key is not what matters.

THE LOVE IN PHILOVESOPHY.... an extremely short novel

(but definitely not a short story because that requires sticking to the point and we all know i love straying and wandering among my brain forest)

by veronica [inserts last name here and then blurrifies it]


DISCLAIMER: this is an entry by veronica, aka lustingfornightmares, and only by veronica except for tht part where she cited some information she got from another website but shut the fuck up ok? ok. so this entry is modeled after a book as a joke since when i was almost done with it I realized it was really fucking long and wow did anyone just notice how i totally changed from third person to first person. oops. good thing this isnt a real book.


ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: since this is practically a book, i'd like to thank everyone who has ever put a thought in my head. Thank you, plato and other philosophers, thank you rick riordan for getting me interested in mythology, mainly greek mythology, and thank you me because i deserve thanks so yea and yup fuck because today i cant go two sentences without saying fuck. Fuck?

PROLOGUE: So... like a lot of things.... this entry really got away from me. But, hey, at least it's not depressed ramblings today!!! At least, not the depressed part...


CHAPTER ONE::


WHEEZY WAITER... NOT A SONG BUT STILL YOUTUBES IS FUN. ARE YOU STUPID? DO YOU LIKE DUMB HUMOR? DO YOU LIKE NOT GETTING A JOKE AND THEN LAUGHING FIVE MINUTES LATER? WELL I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS APPLIES TO WHEEZY WAITER VIDEOS BECAUSE I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE BUT HES FUNNY AND I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHY bcause I BE'S THE HAPPY SO MEEHH

[An entry full of facts, opinions, and most importantly, lies. Your job is to discern. Discern. Is that sentence grammatically correct? Is THIS sentence grammatically correct? Oh god, stop me now.]

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If ya wanna read something interesting, read on. Unless you don't find this interesting. Well, fuck you too.

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CHAPTER GAZILLION AND FOUR POINT FIVE::

Sunday October 13, 2013 11:08 PM


Ugh. The stupid Wal-mart jingle is stuck in my head AND I DISLIKE. Also I kinda have a headache. I think I have chronic headaches because I almost always have a headache.

Fun to live my life with brain pain.

Soap.

I STARTED WATCHING THE YOUTUBES NOW I'M ALL HYPER AND HAPPIE I SPELT HAPPY WRONG BECAUSE I'M SO HAPPY THAT GRAMMAR CAN GO TO HELL

OH, SORRY GRAMMAR. FORGIVE ME. YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
Hey. Did you know that famous song that Whitney Houston sang, "I will always love you" is actually Dolly Parton's song. I didn't until like half a month ago which is when i found out at an uNSPECIFIED TIME.

I love big words and I can not lie. No othah brutha can actively tell me that what I say is not true when deep down they know it's true but don't wanna face the facts.

MURDER. For some reason, that rhymes with motherfucker in my brain. Cartwheels and panties and ew oh my.

I was watching this youtube channel called "girlfriends" and it made me think to myself, "Gosh darn, I want to be a lesbian if it's that fun."

Except for if I was gay I'd still probably be holed up in my house watching videos of straight people having fun and I'd be all like, "WHY MUST I BE ALL ASKEW"

Get it. Get it. 'Cause I'm not straight. Get it now? Yeah. Laugh. DO IT.

EQUALITY. Forever alone no matter sexual orientation!!!

To be or not to be? Is it more noble to kill myself, or more noble to brave through the pain? It all depends on the situation.

What the fuck is wrong with me right now omfg.

This one time I kicked my shoe off and for a few seconds, I looked around and I couldn't find it and then it landed on my head.

I think that's when my brain chemistry got fucked! AND NO ONE WAS AROUND TO SEE IT HAPPEN! So did it happen?

I don't get that philosophy thing, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one/nothing is around the hear it, did it make a sound?"

I used to get it. I was all like, "YEAH. Omg. It may not make a sound because the sound it would've made is heard by nothing. Therefore... it's silent."

Only it's not. A tree falls, it makes a noise. What the question illustrates to me is that the human race seems to think things only exist if we know they exist. Like they can't exist separately.

So if something makes a noise but a person doesn't hear it, then it was never heard. That doesn't mean it didn't make a sound in the first place. It's just no one knows about it.

So fuck you philosiphers... philosophors???? What how did I forget how to spelll...... philosophy... philosopher.

Is the plural philosophi???

Philosopher -->> philos

Did you know philos is one of the greek expressions for love? (Other expressions are eros and agape.)

Philos is the type of love that is earthly. An imperfect love that applies to family and friends and I think romantic relationships. Yes.

Eros is sexual. All about physical attraction. Agape is this perfect love. It's like so perfect, it's pure like love straight from God. Completely unconditional. Just... perfect.

Is it real if God is not real, though? Can you still have something so strong, so invincible a feeling when there is no divine being?

Apparently it's a triangle. A pyramid, actually. Like those "social classes" pyramids used to describe how things worked in Mesopotamia, specifically Sumer. Only there is only three levels. The base, the biggest level, agape, then philos, then eros.

Apparently something lasting can only be built on agape and then philos. If there is a relationship based on eros, it will topple.

Funny. The triangle is technically the strongest shape there is. And my favorite, too. Not 'cause it's all hipster but because it's everywhere. Like circles are everywhere, triangles are everywhere.

They are anything.

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Cited info: http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message310315/pg1

I knew some of the information, but I needed it verified because I am super, duper paranoid.


But back to the greek love words. Agape, philos, and eros. It may not be that eros is so simple as to be summed up in two words (see "physical attraction" lol).

It could be the way I described these greek words is nothing but an opinion. Their significance may be lost upon me. Maybe they are more than a simple triangle. They are all love.

Why do other languages have more than one word for love? It's grossly inappropriate that we should have only one.

You may not have noticed but... You just watched me (or read me) transition from an ecstatic, happy state to a philosophical, poetic state. Lol, now I'm having deep thoughts that will sound idiotic in the morning.

Or rather in the afternoon, since I will not be awake tomorrow morning.

It's 11:42 PM. Did I seriously spend a half hour on this entry?

Yep. Not unusual.

HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY NIGHT, EVERYONE, AND FUCK COLUMBUS. HOW BOUT TOMORROW WE CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT HE'S DEAD AND HASN'T BEEN ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FURTHER FUCK UP THE WORLD.

SO ON THAT NOTE.

FUCK YOU, COLUMBUS. ONE OF THESE DAYS, SOMEONE WILL INVENT A TIME MACHINE, AND THEY'LL GO BACK AND SLAP YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE. OR MAYBE THEY'LL SEXUALLY ASSAULT YOU.

ANYHOW.... WE CAN'T KILL YOU BEFORE YOUR TIME SINCE THAT MIGHT FUCK THE WORLD. I MEAN, HAVEN'T YOU EVER WATCHED FAMILY GUY. THEY TOTALLY TIME TRAVEL WAY TOO MUCH. ACTUALLY ONLY LIKE FIVE TIMES IN TEN SEASONS BUT WHATEVER.

I'M AWESOME. I'M SMART. BUT I'M UGLY AND HARD TO TALK TO WHICH KINDA OFFSETS EVERYTHING ELSE.

MEHHH.

14 YO GIRL PROBLEMS.

GOTTA GO CRY OVER A BOY AND WORRY ABOUT MY CLOTHES AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW JUSTIN BEIBER IS SO TOTALLY HOT.

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T SENSE MY SARCASM, I'M GONNA SAY JUST KIDDING.

FUCK KNOWS I'D NEVER EVER LISTEN TO JUSTIN BEIBER. WHAT SOULLESS MUSIC. AND I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN SOULS. SO. YEAH. WHY DOES HE EVEN EXIST.

sorry if justin bieber happens to read this and happens to be depressed. dont kill yourself, i dont wanna be responsible for that.... oh and you matter and people love you although it was really stupid for people to fucking cut themselves for you. i mean.. never cut yourself for anyone other than yourself. thats really bad advice. ignore that.

but yeah. dont kill yourself. but dont be such a selfish bitch either, kay? also can you please sing about something other than your "baby" and how much you love her or jst wanna have sex with her for once.

yeah cuz thats old and i dont even care. go hipster or go home.

OMFG ten paragraphs ago I was trying to end this book... I mean entry... I mean.... I don't know anymore.

HEY IT'S MONDAY NOW. WOW. COOL. OKAY. WHY DO I SUDDENLY FEEL AWKWARD.

I'M BEST FRIENDS WITH MYSELF.

AND I ALSO HATE MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW BRAIN.

words words words words words

jeezuz i have so much to say tonights.

I wish i had a boyfriend right now cuz i could totally go for curling up with non existant him (hymnnnnn.... too much church.... i can only go once a year... not once every three months, phew, way to much. why am i explaining so much in these parentheses. yes. ive been waiting all day to say parentheses. i'd explain why but then id need another set of parentheses)

anyhow i could totes (<hate myself for saying totes instead of totally) go for curling up wiff currently nonexistant him and rambling and then i could fall asleep and thatd be amazing except for if it happened in real life it probably wouldnt be amazing 'cause somthing would go wrong.

wow. so if you are still reading... then you... have read me transition from happy ecstatic, to amateur philosopher, and then to random rambler.

I've been writing nearly an hour. I've had to pee for two hours.

Is this normal teenage behavior? Or is this just cuz I didn't take my pill? No. I don't take my pill at least once a week.

Ima go with normal teenage behavior.

PARAMORE PARAMORE PARAMORE

OMFG.

I JUST REALIZED THE WORD AMORE (ESPANOL FOR LOVE) IS IN PARAMORE. AND PARA MEANS.... well actually it's from ancient greek language.

It means beside. Next to. The works.

So paramore means beside love, or next to love. OH. THIS HAS A NICE RING TO IT. ALONGSIDE LOVE.

AWWWWWWWWW.

saalright i'm going to fucking leave before i explode from i dont know, too much genius brain power and from not peeing for like two hours after drinking 1 liter of seltzer water.

im so fat today

FUCK IT ALL

CONCLUSION:

She stood atop the cliff, her tears cold for once. The wind caressed her face and pushed her hair out of her face, kept the sadness at bay. Or at least, it kept the sadness hidden. Fat drops that would've fallen from her eyes instead sat on her lower eyelashes, twisting the things they saw, bending the light, wanting to break it.

In the wind, she whispered something that no one would hear, not even herself. The sounds her lips and tongue shaped were swept away by the strengthening breeze, never to be heard of, but they were there, in her mind. Alone and isolated.

It was the one thought she really had left, and it was, "i look so fucking ugly in glasses"


UMM... THAT PART AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER THAT TELLS YOU WHAT HAPPENS:

The girl developed other thoughts. She also developed an infection but that has nothing to do with anything. She's really gross. As is the person who created her, which is me.

Um... the greek were awesome. They had the coolest words and stories and shit.

Justin Bieber rose from his depression and wanted redemption for the awful music he made and... idk made good music. Whether modeled after all time low, three days grace, or modest mouse, at least it was good sounding.

[sorry. had to say I JUST SPENT A HALF HOUR TRYING TO REMEMBER THE WORD REDEMPTION. YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.]

I wonder if I really did have the pre-bipolar sign thingies that made them diagnose me NOS. But you know what.... IF I did, I wish they hadn't done anything about it.

I'd rather be like this. All happy and having so many thoughts and feeling kind of amazing. Angry occasionally. Depressed just 'cause it happens.

Fuck these pills. Fuck psychiatrists. Fuck labels. <lol hipster

Can't I just be like this?

I like being like this. This is my favorite part of me. This is who I want to be.

Oh... I haven't said fuck in like three sentences so fuck.

Anyhow. Um, the books over. Bye.


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