LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2013-10-07 17:36:36 (UTC)

Darkness


"Ms. Hill" by Talib Kweli

Monday October 7, 2013 6:37 PM


I arrived home to lights that refused to turn on. Been raining hard all day. Storms here on the northeast coast. In the state of New York (at least the side near the capital, which by the way IS NOT New York City. Geez. Learn your facts, America.) it does not feel like fall. I have memories of me swinging in the backyard on a swing set my dad built. Not only could I smell the change of seasons, but I felt the cold chill of air in my nostrils.

There is an underlying temperature. In the summer, sixty degrees is pretty warm. In the autumn, sixty degrees is usually kinda cold. It slices like a knife.

It's warm as if the Earth forgot to keep orbiting the sun, it's in one place spinning infinitely fast like a basketball on the finger of some invisible giant.

Doesn't that make anyone else really anxious? Is winter going to come? It barely snowed last year. When I was little, blizzards and ice storms were common, snow stacked up enough so you could dig tunnels through it. The stuff we get in recent years is incredibly lame. Two fucking inches? No way is that enough for a snow day. Fuck you.

Enough with my ranting about global warming stuuuurf.

Something REALLY WEIRD happened today after lunch. So there was this kid walking down the hall as I was. There were tons of people in front of us and behind us but we were pretty much the only two walking at the same pace, I guess.

Anyway... without even looking at me, he kinda walked sideways over (I didn't notice. Would you find one person moving in a hallway of a high school significant? Didn't think so.).

Then... weirdness... he kinda curled his fingers around my arm. My elbow and stuff. I was really surprised. It felt like I was a slow computer. My thoughts and feelings were delayed by a second. Automatically, I pulled away.

Someone behind us called, "Nathan!" (his real name is a country in Africa starting with N) and he disappeared. He didn't even look at me.

His fingers were cold. Not like icy, but kind of just like he hadn't held anything in a while. No heat. They were also gentle.

Micah knows this Nathan boy. He must've thought I was someone else. No offense, but I'm white. Well, hispanic, but my skin isn't super tan like some of the Puerto Ricans in my school. It's not pale, more like medium. And I don't know anyone else with hair like mine. Dark but not black (like my eyes only a bit darker), long and straight with some highlights leftover from my last hairdo/pink streaks. I dunno who I could've been mistaken for.

He must've thought I was somebody else.

In other news, Lily found our notebook!!! I'm excited.

Last night before sleeping, I made sure my room was completely dark and I turned on my music. The I stripped so I could see only my silhouette in the mirror. I did yoga. It felt weirdly sacred.

Like I had power.

Darkness if my preferred setting. It blankets me. Keeps my flaws in the shadows. Treats me nice. Feeds me scary thoughts and beautiful ones.

Darkness. The only one to ever hold me like a lover.


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