kiddo16

NaivetY & ChildhooD LefT BehinD
2013-10-07 18:10:59 (UTC)

Too much?

I recalled the time when I saw a person I knew cry and weep for all to hear. It's amazing how one person can simply do that while another person are forbidden from doing so. Yes, I'm envious of that person. Why is it that she was given the right to cry and weep out loud? While for me... no matter how tough the going goes, I was forbidden to do so. I remembered how I got slapped real tight just doing so. I remembered how people around me hated me so much for crying. Cox all they perceive of me is that I'm such a strong girl that when I cry, it just meant I'm faking it. Nowadays, I really do feel like taking it all out... through tears. But no, doing so won't gain me sympathy votes but instead hatred votes. It's really just so hard everything. Whatever I wished for in my life, nothing came to real. What I wanted was really simple but it's just so hard for me to get it. All the other people, they don't know how lucky they are. It's so simple but all the other people, they just take it for granted. A smile... a sincere one that comes from the heart is something that I wished so hard for but hard to achieve. Them who got it... they kept asking for more and thinks that it's hard for them to gain that smile. For me, I've got nothing to smile for... nothing really. Believe it or not. Instead there are just so many to cry for. To be scared of.. to fear. No shoulder to lean on.. no hands to wipe those tears. No ears to listen to whatever is in this heart. It's all kept and pushed deep down in this little body. Everytime I looked at them, they will think that I'm the lucky one.. Yes of course I am.. that's when no one knows what's deep within. I don't tell them what I lost and sacrifice just to feel whatever I have right now. But wth! everything they envy me for are just materialistic. Can't they see that they are having more than me? Something not materialistic and no money could ever buy... I'm just so envious. Seriously it's time like this that I feel so unfortunate. It's just so hard to live this life alone... and yet no one understands. They think I'm having it good just because I don't speak. Really, not because I don't speak but no one is listening. I hate the whole situation I'm in right now. To think there's no really way out.. it just feel sucky. Why is it that the other people are living it easy when they are always ungrateful... and yet, I've got to live like this and am just asking for something simple. It's just so painful to keep it all in. I don't know if anyone had ever felt it before... to keep crying and weeping to the point no one hears. Not even yourself could hear that weep.. it's just so painful the whole situation. Just a little bit of ease please... 25 years of my life... that's all I've been asking for. But it's just so hard. I simply just feel like cooping myself up.. locked in a room to avoid all these situations. But no, that's never possible in this life. Nowhere to run away.. the only way is to face it upfront.. to get hit by whatever and come up injured and torn. That's life I guess... at least for me for the past 25 years of my life. This month, my birthday is screeching close... can I ask for a miracle to happen? Is it too much to ask for?




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