Hana Ayuningtyas

Le Bonheur est Simple
2013-10-05 14:17:23 (UTC)

Dear Mom

Hey, mom.
I don't know when you are going to read this or if you ever will, but this entry is for you.
It may help to understand things that haven't exactly made complete sense over the past few years.
So, to start off, I never was mad at you.
In all those instances where you thought I was mad at you, I was only mad at myself.
I have always grown up wanting to be like you and look like you and act like you.
You were my role model and have always been.
It was you and ....
Then it was only you.
My caring, compassionate, loving mother. My skinny, sometimes lunatistic, hard skinned mother.
I love you so much and I hope you realize that I was
never mad at you.
I wanted to have your work ethic. I wanted your responsible nature. I wanted your constant loving persona, but I couldn't have that because I wasn't
you.
I never would be you.
You were you and I was myself.
God didn't make me to be someone else.
It took me forever to realize it but I finally got there. Finally.
And now I want to explain.
I love you much more than you know.
I care for you and will be by your bed side in whatever nursing home or hospital or facility thing you are placed in when you get
older.
I will always be there for you because you were always and still are always there for me.
And I thank you for that.
It means the world that a person could love me as much as you do.
Even before I was born, you loved me and decided to actually keep me.
Yet, you kept ME.
Stupid, ole' me.
Thank you.
I got to grow up after that with you as my model, my
ideal person to be.
It is great looking up to someone like you because you make mistakes, like everyone does, but you are so perfect in my eyes and I bet you are dang close to
perfect in His eyes too.
Which makes it even harder to explain to you why I have been such a jerky witch (with a capital B) over the past few years.
In getting older, I, and we, went through things that some don't have to go through ever.
That some people wish to have happen to them so that they can feel more experienced in life or something along those lines.


-I LOVE YOU.-
I will ALWAYS love you.
You are my one and only mother. I will have your back. Through thick and thin, mud and dirt, and even the crappiest of all crap, I will be there for you when you need me. It may not be the way you want or the way you imagined, but I will be there for you. I love you to the moon and back, mom.
Forever. Always.




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