jamestronic

Recovery is beautiful
2013-09-15 22:42:50 (UTC)

Recovery

I received a kick in the ass tonight. It wasn't something I did, it was just that I had been taking a friend of mine for granted for weeks, maybe months. I'm not sure of the timeline, I've always been pretty bad at those...

Anyways, the other day, I got a kick in the ass because I had never been actively trying to recover. I thought it was enough not to self harm or something, but now I realize that it's not.

Self harm is an addiction, and I have been addicted to cutting for at least the last year. That release that I would get from it was excellent to me, but it was harmful and consuming. And I guess that I couldn't do anything without it...

So I've been so passive about it, and I've done so much about all of this that I haven't done a thing. ANyways, I just haven't known what to do...

Less than a week ago, I bought razors. I went to the grocery store and when I got everything I walked through the shaving section, and I bought myself I nice thing of double edge razors.

Those: http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/7364/7yrj.png

I've been so fucked up lately. I have been so terrified of self harming, but I've been even more terrified of not. I've thought that if I agave it up, I wouldn't have a handle on the world or me. Tumblr was making it worse, I guess that was the problem, I've been so afraid of the LACK that I couldn't stop the POISON these things had for me.

So after getting that kick in the ass from my friend, I deleted my tumblr, FINALLY. I'd been flirting with it for a while, and I had done and undone it before. This time it was permanent...

Anyways, long story short, I need to make a more active effort. So this is my recovery diary, and this is day one. I need to learn that recovery is beautiful, and finally, I'm going to try...




Ad: