I seriously lack motivation. All my objectives are suffering, I feel so empty inside. I know all what I have to do but simply lack the inner hunger to do them. I am trying to ginger myself up to start but every day is just an opportunity to fail. I feel even worse and cant help to think I am failing. I need to grab the bull by the horn make radical changes to my life and move on.
I hope there can be a swift conclusion to the current state of flux in my life. That is the earlier the financial mediation concludes the better. I think it is a waste of time and money (personally) but it is a process that has to be done in the current situation I am in.
One positive thing in all of this is that I have let go of my marriage and looking forward to a life without her. I do feel that inside and I am so happy I have reached this point instead of constantly looking back, feeling sorry and hoping I can regain my family structure.
I feel no bitterness towards her and I wish her well and hope for the sake of our children we maintain a communication channel. I have to say I still feel very angry about a number of things and hope that I may be constructive throughout the rest of the mediation process.
For me the most important thing is that I am there for my children, my parents and the people who love me. I cant let them down.
When I look back the last 2 years has been a daze. I am going to have to be brave and pursue my targets with dedication. To achieve this I need that burning desire inside me to continue to burn day and night. Tough decisions have to be made and the first is to cast my burden onto God. That comes with certain implications and adjustments in my life.
I need the real me back!