lonely thoughts
2013-09-07 21:34:37 (UTC)


its crazy how much things can change in just one year you go from the one Innocent girl to a girl who holds so many secrets you can barley breath. it all started with one stupid boy that changed everything for me i was only 12 and had my first crush that year everything changed so fast it made my head spin. I was a daddy's girl you get it when i say WAS its past tense, he changed my outlook on everything he ruined my 7th grade forever. he was the kind of guy that was mysterious that made you think what happened to him like that. well i soon found out it just took a couple of years and a lot of broken hearts. he was my first real boyfriend and boy was i happy it took me a hole year to tell him how i felt i did it over a note i wrote him telling him my feelings. when he asked me out i was so happy i felt my heart burst with happiness. but that only lasted for awhile before it was crushed i fell to hard and hit the bottom a little to hard for repair. it was good at first i was happy he was happy it was a perfect love story or so i thought. my cousin was down visiting me and of course like every girl that is head over heals over a guy i told her about him. he lived Farley close to me it was walking distant so i invited him over to meet my cousin, that was mistake one on my part. that night went well but when it was time for her to leave i missed school to take her to the airport and while i was there that's when my heart broke. i had two best friend's in 7th grade one i just made that year and one i had since 5th grade i never knew a best friend could be so deceiving. but i learned my lesson just like everyone else does, i got a call from my best friend since 5th grade saying she saw my boyfriend and my best friend i just met that year making out in the hall. just hearing trough's words from her broke me but no that's not the end its just the beginning of my horrible 7th grade. of course i broke up with him but that didn't last long before he was dating my now ex best friend. he took my friend kiss on the bus he was still dating my ex best friend and his grandma was driving the bus what a first kiss right. he soon broke up with her for me and confessed his so called love for me and i did the same being the stupid native girl i use to be and believed his stupid lies. we were on and off for awhile until one night i sneaked him in my room we were only dating for two months but he could wait no he could wait to rip me to pieces and leave me to pick them up by myself. i was a virgin and wanted to wait for the right guy but that didn't happen he had a different plan then just to watch a movie with me it was a plan i didn't know anything about. he fours-ed himself on me that night and believe me when i say it was the scariest night of my life. i wasn't ready and he knew that me telling him didn't stop him no it just encouraged him i tried to get him to stop but when fear hits you you just stop cause you don't know what else to do. yes lades and gentleman i was indeed raped that night but that's not the worst part before it happened he told me he had raped someone before it was a girl his ex and they were in a heavy make-out and she told him to stop but he didn't. i should have ran away from him when he told me that but i was a native little girl who just wanted her fairy tail, what i didn't know then was fairy tails aren't true. that night he left me after alone in the room that haunts me to this day. the next day was my grandpas funeral and also the day everyone found out yes him my boyfriend told everyone the night we spend together. my life went crashing down that day everything went wrong i had no boyfriend my fairy tails were now crushed he broke everything i had left to give and he didn't even care. life works in different ways pain is the answer if you fill pain you know your free.