LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2013-09-03 17:54:28 (UTC)

Here I Am, Proud

"We Are Broken" by Paramore

Tuesday September 3, 2013 6:55 PM


Every time I come onto this site and spend an hour or two reading the diary's, before I do so I make myself promise that I won't get sad. Reading myself and reading others diary's makes my heart ache, but that isn't the same as depressed, right?

I kind of feel it, but not really. How amazing is that? I love myself, or like myself. I think love is too strong of a word. But I feel happy hanging with myself and other people. Even right now, when I feel on edge, like I might get "crazy". But I won't.

I'm so cold, but maybe that doesn't mean lonely nights anymore.

Alright, I have to go to a party now, but I want let you all know that I love you.
I love you YONDER, and Socially Unacceptable, and Empty Inside, Sakura Clow, LayasSecrets, BakedBarbie, and all the others I have failed to mention. I am silent as I sift through your thoughts and although you make me feel horribly sad, wonderfully happy, for you, I will never feel what you have. And if I do, I will never know. But I will always read.

I hope you will keep reading me, too. It's important to me. I have cut off my thought outputs. This is one of the two places I talk about my insides.

My guts are on the floor, here, and I feel sick just typing about it because I'm not used to it anymore, but I'll be okay.

If you could see me, you'd see me smile. Just for a few seconds.


I now have to go, as I can barely hold onto myself while talking right now. Please be okay. Please learn from mistakes, and if you have to make them a hundred more times to learn, that's okay.

I wish I could tell everyone how wonderful you really are.


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