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2013-08-29 15:34:53 (UTC)

Thursday 29th August.

finally had a small chat with Claire about what's happening and stuff. she's not coming to visit anymore because she doesn't want to stir up more feelings for no reason etc, and it is for no reason because her feelings have been deteriorating as time goes by. she says she still likes me but that will probably fade to nothing or not much eventually after enough time passes. it's really sad, but i'm by no means angry about it. i mean, it is what it is y'know. i've been pretty confused and sad the past few days, for various reasons. eg, it has been a good year, and i should be happy.. we've won our tennis final, won our touch footy final, Richmond have made the finals for the first time in 12 years, we've gone undefeated so far in soccer for the first time in the club's history and i'm the captain of the team, i actually got to meet the girl of my dreams.. in the flesh - and was even privileged enough to kiss her. and i am extremely grateful that i was able to meet her. but here I have been, feeling miserable.. because i can't have her. just the sound of her voice makes me smile :) i love how caring she is, her sense of humour, her morals and values, how intelligent she is, how down to earth she is, how clumsy she is, and just her general nature. she's the most beautiful person i've ever met, inside and out. and i adore her. i think it's safe to say that she is my downfall.. my weakness. i'd have done anything for her, but in the end it's not quite enough. my fondest memory of meeting her would have to be when i was cuddling her on the couch, and it was like 4am or something, and she rolled over to face me and then held me even tighter for a while before we kissed and then got up and went to sleep. i'll never forget that, and i wish i could replay it forever. there's probably things i have forgotten to say, or ask.. but ultimately i just want to remember the good times, and try to move onto the next stage in my life i guess. i know it's gonna be extremely difficult to keep her off my mind, but i realise i have to. now might be the time to finally change my phone background. i think i'll open this back up and leave it open because i'm not planning on really continuing to write in it, and i want her to know where my head's at and how i'm feeling.

Claire, i really hope that one day you find what you're looking for, and i truly wish you all of the happiness in the world - you deserve it. smile, and know that you'll always have a place in my heart, and i'll be there for you if you ever need anything at all.



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