clairelouisax

My Diary
2013-08-11 00:25:09 (UTC)

ugh

I don't know what to do, I really don't.

I broke up with Dan for good a few weeks ago and the day after I went to a party...

The party was shit. Like 7 people turned up. Me and Joe ended up going round town together doing random crazy shit and just acting rebellious ;) then we met up with the others- Bryony was texting Calum Elliot so he came out and met us at McDonald's along with Adam Mccloy and Kieran Roberts.

Everyone went their seperate ways but I ended up staying with the guys- we went back to Adam's in blackbrook and got stoned and drunk. Watched a film (forgotten what it's called but it has Jack Black in it and it's about some random guitar pick made from the devils tooth :p).

Anyway when we were walking back to Adam's, Calum was being really sweet to me. He gave me his jacket because I was cold then ended up hugging me most of the time. When we got back I pretended to be asleep on him (Kieran had passed out by this time).

Calum and Adam were talking whilst I was asleep... Adam thinks I'm 'bangable' apparently... :L
Calum was just saying about how he'd had a thing for me since he met me so like a year...I don't know if I actually believe that or not but whatever :/ he was just generally being really sweet about me and when I got up we kissed.

Ended up leaving Adam's not very long after that- like 6/7am then me and Calum went back to the park and we talked for a while about stuff.. he then walked me back into town because I wasn't completely sure of the way and I went home really happy about everything that had happened.

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Since then we've ended up meeting a few more times and stuff.. blah blah blah

but the other night there was another field party and me and Calum were both there. We were both drunk because he only gets drunk off vodka or cider and I gave him a load of vodka (kinda forced it down him xD) but anyway he said to me that he thinks he's falling for me.

I think I trust him on that but I'm not really sure.. I know he's a complete player and I shouldn't trust him but he's been here for me for so long and I've had a thing for him since I met him- like literally since the day I met him. I know I have feelings for him as more than friends though and it's really depressing me because I know I'll never be good enough.

At the moment he's at a party and I'm 90% sure Kaya is there :/
Tanya told me today that apparently Kaya and Calum had sex like a week ago.. I don't know if I should believe that or not either because when Hannah told me they saw each other and I asked him, he got really defensive.. not sure if that's because he hates her or it's true.

I really hope that he is telling the truth about falling for me to be honest. I really want him but I'm just scared because obviously, it's Calum and he's amazing and gorgeous and could literally get any girl...at least if he has feelings for me I might have a slight chance above another girl.


I was going to try to see him today but obviously he had the party so... I don't know if I should keep making an effort because it just depresses me even more in a way knowing I probably don't mean that much to him.

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I'm falling for Calum Elliot- the biggest manwhore I know, help.




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