2013-08-01 21:08:21 (UTC)

Thursday 1st August.

had the coast run with stix today, he knows what to do so it was a pretty cruisy day. when I got home did my tax online in about 30 minutes.. god i'm sick of doing tax every year ha. went down to the commersh for din dins with the fellas, then we went ten pin bowling which was a bit of fun and something different. heading to Adelaide for 3 days next week with a couple of work blokes for a course, probably catch up with my old girl & simsy for dinner while i'm there. lubes heads over to Europe on Monday to catch up with levi and probably steve at some stage as well, hope he has a ripper trip. it's almost at a stage where I don't look forward to reading what Claire has written in her diary. she was definitely telling the truth when she said she changes her mind about everything like 5896548 times. i'm not sure if she just loves the drama of it all somehow (although I doubt it) or genuinely doesn't know what she wants. either way it sucks and just weighs heavy on me because I can't stop thinking about her. like I realllyyyy can't. I don't think she realises how much changing her mind affects my feelings really, it's lame but true. that infatuation hasn't 'deteriorated' for me. I think that's where we are a bit different as well, I didn't just start to like her after or during meeting her. I've always had feelings for her.. meeting her just gave me hope. sometimes I wonder if I would be better off with none, but that's a depressing thought. I really do believe that I would move for her, even without my trade.. and I guess I was hoping that her visit could potentially be a building block for something. I don't really understand why she doesn't want that. I dunno I just want to see her and hold her and kiss her. forever. I genuinely want to try and make it work, but I keep getting the feeling she doesn't. aaandd wow I've dribbled on here for long enough, it might even be a good idea to lock this and give her some space maybe.. ah I dunno. I guess i'll just have to cross my fingers and hope she decides that she actually wants to see me.

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