Peixes

Neptune's Raging Waters
2013-07-25 01:42:56 (UTC)

Zzzz

I hate myself so much. I'm so tired and yet when I try to sleep I can't because of my nose and throat. Or I can't find a position or a place comfortable enough to sleep. My bed lacks comfort, so does the floor and the couch. It's like the all mighty heavens are going out of their way to kill me. And not only that, because of my lack of sleep I'm feeling really really hungry, yet I don't have anything to eat so the pain is sticking. God how it's annoying.
What am I going to do when school starts? If I can't get my sleeping schedule in order I'm screwed. Nothing will get done, and I'll fail.
School right now seems to be the only way I can think that I can get some acknowledgement from my parents. I mean them telling me they need me to babysit or clean something just isn't good enough to me. I have to literally force them to respond to any type of loving words or body language. They brainwashed my younger brother into being a A student and being a football player. Then they sit and tell me that I should go do basketball or baseball or some sport in general. I absolutely hate sports, it's something I hate with a passion. I have no idea why, but I do. They have complained about my grades. How I don't own up to my ability and get A's A's!!! I really don't even see a point in school. I mean considering what everyone is talking about everywhere. Rarely anyone with degrees actually have the job they studied. College kids are graduating with nothing to come to. I mean so really what's the point? I don't wanna be a scientist, or a teacher, or go into the military. I want to create art and have people smile when they read or see something of mine. But, how can I when there are people controlling what can or cannot be put out to the public. What happened to freedom? If I wanted to have a romance between two males, and make it non erotic like all those hetero romances why can't I? I'd probably be rated R or something. You can't hide shit from kids, I mean I knew about SP's when I was like ten. Thanks to school mates.
I totally left the topic. Anyway,but this year, my sophomore year and the rest of my high school life I will swear to make the best grades possible. They are SOL if they want sports out of me. 'Cause honestly, I don't believe I have the physical nor mental strength to do it. But I can definitely do the grades thing if I work really hard. Although my grades have sucked since my second year of elementary school, I really hope I can do this. Even without any motivation, I have a sad life to look forward to.




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