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2013-07-20 20:28:21 (UTC)

Saturday 20th July.

so once again I find myself torn. between keeping things the same as they are now.. (or trying at least), or doing what Claire wants and basically just being friends.. with none of the daily texts and stuff. I guess there are pros and cons of both. but I don't want to risk losing her. even though she doesn't think anything will ever happen between us.. and I think i'm afraid that if we don't keep up the constant talks and all that, then we'll drift apart. which is scary for me. ah. I enjoy the I miss yous etc, and I want to be able to tell her how I feel about her and everything, and for her to do the same.. but that wouldn't happen if we're trying to distance ourselves a bit. should I even be keeping a diary? probably not. but then again I don't think she actually knows what she really wants at all, she changes her mind basically every single day. which makes me think that if I just keep persisting then everything might be okay. well not okay, but you know what I mean. part of me knows she is right though, it's hard and energy consuming doing what we're doing. backing things off a bit would possibly make things easier, but then again maybe not. it could make me miss her even more. in other news, my week has been alright. pretty routine. got a haircut from jody Thursday night, and now she's actually asking if I want to catch up and stuff. which I don't, but I don't really know what to say to her either. I took her out to dinner and a couple of other things last year, but feelings never eventuated out of it for me and we left it at that. I think that she thought differently and it was a tiny bit awkward at the time, but we've been friends since. had a work show type thing last night at the RSL. it was actually pretty fun. played the heads&tails game with the fellas which resulted in 1 broken glass, lots of embarrassment, and meeting the new head honcho of the mt. gambier police department who was there with his wife laughing at everything we did. one of the dares a bloke had to do was ask her to dance, and she did. but he never realised who they were, and later in the night the boss and I worked out with the bloke to stitch our mate up and he's gonna come into work next Monday morning in his full police uniform and ask which man was seen dancing with his wife. it will be hilarious. just recovered today basically. found out during the week a friend who has been living in Sydney for the past 2 years got a job back here and will be moving back here next month which is awesome. and found out that another friend is moving away because she's sick to death of the town.. but I think she'll be back eventually as well. big game tomorrow against the Italians, we can hopefully come away with both senior wins but I know we are kinda expected to win our game. it's sponsors day so the old man is coming to watch, he's not a fan of soccer but does what he must haha. I hope Claire is having a good weekend x

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