All that is
casual sex is bad for the..
casual sex is bad for the soul. true, that.
I fucked lukas last night. Or lukas and I fucked would be the most fitting way of putting it. oops i did it again. went to supper club together, the food was lovely, but lukas was just a bit dry kind of. he had an assessment day today for some investment banking program and he talked about that a lot. i realised as well he never asks me what i'm doing. he never returns my questions. if i say what did you like best about x y z or what's the most difficult part about x y z, he'll answer really bluntly in that gruntish german manner. something sarcy, or something dismissive to that'll make you feel like your question was silly or senseless. Our chemistry isn't exactly right - don't know whether he's just shy or what. I didn't really see him in any kind of romantic light. in fact everytime i 've met up with him, it has reaffirmed my thoughts of nope. not going to happen. he was a bit weasel-ly, a bit skinny, and just a bit dry. I wouldn't say i had fun with him everytime i saw him, and we'd hung out countless times going to the cinema etc. but then he came to my bbq, and i hadn't seen him in a while. he must have been working out because he had gained muscle. he was wearing this blue t-shirt and short. he looked HOT. for the first time i looked at him in a way i hadn't done before. he ended up crashing at my place (so did jess) except he shared my bed. he put his arm around me, and i nestled my bum into him. he started stroking my belly, i responded by stroking his (muscly) arm. it was hot. i hadn't had any man-action in months, so the slightest touch of his made me wet. then jess was talking but we were just cuddling. then in the middle of the night around 4-5 i woke up again, and i turned around and he woke up too and we started kissing. very sleepy kisses but so hot. then fell back asleep and resumed in the morning. all this with jess lying beside us.
but last night we both undressed (into our undies) then i laid down. he put his arm around me again. then we just laid there. I obviously feeling horny started turning slowly and suddenly lukas says, is this serious for you or is it casual? me, excited to be at the receiving end of a relationship oriented question, i pause for a few seconds to savour the moment and relish the possibility that his answer may just be what i want to hear - all the signs pointed to it after all, more or less right? then i say 'i don't know, i didn't really think about that (BIG LIE)' (the truth is i had thought about it, but not necessarily wishing that he was my bf as I mentioned before, he does do some annoying things and he is leaving the country in 7 weeks to go back to germany, although he's coming back again) then he says 'I already know what your answer is, because of how long it took you to answer' again, in that insensitive german grunt. 'arrogant prick', i think to myself, before denying his presumption, in good humour. i return the question and say 'what about you?' and he says 'i'm leaving in 7 weeks, what do you think?' i winced as it stung slightly. when it comes to rejection, no amount of thinking or anticipation can prepare you for what you already know is coming. Then i said (giggling) 'im a big girl..' then he laughed and said 'that's what the other girls i've been with said, and they all got hurt. again, incredibly lofty attitude. after some chit-chat, he lifted his head and kissed me. I thought perhaps he wouldn't try it on, but he wriggled on top of me, and started to kiss me. despite feeling slightly ambivalent and not hurt but a bit slighted, i was too turned on not to enjoy it. we still had our underwear on so started grinding. then he took off my bra and undie and started going low. at first i thought he would just finger me. but he brought his mouth down and started going down on me. IT FELT AMAZING. and i don't usually think about it. like if it doesn't happen during sex, im not bothered, in fact i'm secretly pleased, as it makes me feel a bit conscious and a bit too naked. he started at the top, then went down, and rubbed his tongue somewhere that felt amazing. i can't tell you how - it was right above my hole.. then had to pretend to come (have never come with a guy). then this morning.
Now it lay this all down, anyone reading this is probably thinking this guy sounds like an enormous ball-sack.