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2013-07-12 14:27:04 (UTC)

A loner beautiful girl who needs somebody to see her

i am 21 years old. I am physically beautiful I think, I look Eurasian but I am primarily of malay ancestry, I live in the united states although this is not my home country. I am an achiever I graduated early that means I got a job early and because of our culture I have to provide for my mom and dad and siblings which kind of scuks because they're employed and unemployed. and it is such a big responsibility.

I know I should be thankful for what I do have but you know it cant be helped sometimes it's still a very stressful situation for a young woman like me trying to find myself. immerse in this culture which I don't know if I like, they like sex so much very vulgar I don't get it at all. :(

I was a Christian and now recently an atheist I really wished I haven't seen that Stephen hawking documentary nor paid much attention to the origin of species because it ruined me. I doubted God and now I'm pretty much sure he doesn't exist and I don't know it's scary to think things don't happen for a reason.

I don't know why I'm sad about that I used to believe in fate it makes life less stressful because I don't have that much responsibility. I don't have any friends here in America I had a good one but that was when I was a Christian that was the center of our relationship and now I am not I don't think I can face her so that's the end of that so sad.

I've been a loner my entire life although I am beautiful and an overachiever I just get by not having to socialize, I didn't get bullied or anything because they just know i'm smart but I don't look weird and they think my family is rich because we go to America so I never really paid much attention to it.

Until now it's the source of all my stresses. It's impossible to intimate myself to those people who know me back home because I am not at all what they know, how can I say that my family is broke actually and I am the source of income and I am not at all pretty without makeup and clothes and I am not at all smart I just wing tit at work as much as I can.

All I know is my life is so fucked up right now what do you think is my problem? how do I live a more fulfilling life? although I do not believe in spirits anymore I am grateful for this life and the lucky chance that we are here to enjoy this magnificent world and the innovations and I don't want to fuck myself up and realize in the years to come that I majorly screwed my life.

Since I cant talk to anybody i'm hoping somebody can read my posts and maybe comment I am desperate for somebody to know what i'm going through

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