The Real Me
I feel crap.(Warning: alot of swearing)
I feel sad...depressed...unhappy...Argh I need help. feel like just running away from everything. I couldnt even stand the gym today I lasted an hour and then half way through a set thought fuck it, got up and left. ..Just couldnt do it anymore. I cant do any of this. I need a fucking break...from everything this fuking situation, this bloody world. Its pissing me of...i want everyone to just fuck off..i want my mind to just stfu like seriously STFFFFFFUUU. Why am i over thinking anyway? sometimes I just want to get a massive brick and chuck it in my face just so I would pass out and stop fuking over thinking. Why the fuck cant I just be normal? I still fuking like Anser...and now he completely ignores me and my existance and its getting to me baaaad.How can you not see that im fuking STANDING THERE. Dont just fuking move past me and not say a single word. Argh why do i even care? this is so minor, I seriously know im being stupid, but how the hell do you get a grip? Ive decided to stop going gym so much...because well...look at me im losing it again, obbsesions starting...im begining to think I may need some kind of medication to calm me the fuck down. This must be OCD? Its scaring me...am i always going to be like this? forever? is this even normal? when your single do people feel this way? Or isit just me?
Ok fine the real issue is that im leaving...im SCAREDDDD!!! I dont want to move work....im so so scared...everythings gna be new...and i dont know what the people are like..and it looks all secluded and lonley...and right now all i want is someone to cling on to...and the closest thing that comes to mind is Anser...hence why Im here thinking about him and feeling sad...because well...i need a hug...the last time i got a proper hug was 8 months ago..so pathetic..with the ex...where he just held me I felt safe and he told me everythings gonna be ok...lying prick...but still it was comforting, and i need some comfort..just a massive bear hug and for once in my bloody life some nice words of comfort...no1 ever comforts me...ever...well Diana does...but you know its just not the same as being hugged and held.