The Real Me
2013-06-06 08:56:07 (UTC)

Gyming for 4 hours and Him.

So I worked out for 4 hours at the gym yesterday, my entire body is in pain, I didnt do any cardio just pure weight training and circuit, I didnt eat enough to sustain this though or eat healthy enough. I skipped breakfast, I would have skipped lunch except I had a half eaten pizza from the day before, and seeing as im broke as fuck I cant exactly waste food. My body is changing which is good, im getting fitter. So yeah I still think about Anser a lil bit, Im not overly attracted to him anymore the way i was in the begining anyway but I still kind of am, but I duno I think im used to crushing on him, that it kind of bores me to think If i dont fantasise about him I have nothing else to fantasize about. And Im such a massive daydreamer, I make up all these crazy scenarios in my head. Like Im in a mafia gang, or I can do magic n im a witch or I kill a murderer. Weird when said out aloud but meh they are the thoughts in my head.

Its good though, my anger towards Ansers lack of attention towards me drives me to channel my energy towards my workouts and go crazy on the lifting. I guess I need to feel anger/sad/whatever anything but happy to have a great workout lol. I crave that

So theres this guy who likes me, I know this because a girl just knows, well theres several that do, but this one sticks out because hes a kool guy AS A FRIEND. I just dont want him to like me in that way...I dont lead people on. He makes suggestions i brush them down and act dumb like I dont know...anyways I told him im attracted to Anser...that should be clear enough but I also told him its not gonna happen with Anser coz hes a player... so unless i want to be another main girl with a que of side bitches....AGAIN lol its NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I have to keep drilling that into my brain...but its just so damn hard to fight off strongggg attraction..hes just so damn goodlooking, and his personality kind of has me hooked, i dont get bored with him around..i just like being around his air..its fresh, positive, new, energetic and exciting. It makes my day to know that I get to see him...oh dear the pathetic cycle begins. Ofcourse I dont act desperate like i do in this diary around him. What I do is the complete opposite...avoid him at all costs, dont hang around talking to him too much and just exit the convo quick, ignore his existance...basically he is always ALWAYS the first person to come up to me to talk and literally stands or sits there and waits till im done doing a set and even then I pretend I didnt realize he was sitting there and then go OH and take my headphones and ask how hes doing.

I just want to see what hes like 1 date is all I want...not a relationship not anything else..just to see what its like. urghghghghghghghghghghghghhggghghgh. And im totally out of ideas because I will not chase him..i cant think of anything..what can I say? do? act? Guess i'll carry on avoiding till i get over it. I will have to anyway as im leaving on Monday and wont see him again. Then move on to some next guy. good times. This always always happens...i always want the guys who dont want me enough. But the que of guys who love me..oh no wont even look twice, feel anything or even give them a single chance.

Its dianas birthday on saturday we gonna party hard, shes invited alot of people from uni etc and all our mates so it should be a good night except I may have to leave early as I got no where to crash now that everyone wants a room to fuck their bf in. Shes pretty pissed off about that. Not my fault. I still havnt got her a present, shes a difficult person to buy for..not very sentimental, very picky with clothing, shes a very hot girl so always likes things that expose her assets. Doesnt wear alot of jewellery etc.