badkidd

Lonely boy..
2013-06-05 23:31:36 (UTC)

why am i here..? no sleep...tears..

now it is 5.02 AT MRNG...

yesterday evng i had gone to kiks room just to talk abt her presentation and to see her slides... ! but she was busy wid watching movie.."ek deewana dha".. she said it is climax and 10 mins were remainign and continuing to watch d mivie.. she wasnt interested to hear wat im saying...!

okay i left her room.. then at night i have gone at 10.20pm.. then also she was watching this movie, "anjana anjaani" .. fuck it.. it is her 3rd or 4th movie today... i asked if i can see her ppt and she just said, "i dodnt want to show" i begged it again and again but she was saying it vewry cool.. i felt like crying too.. then i aske dher abt the sweet incident.. and about the snacks that she bought from her home that she promised me to give... but then also she gave some stupid reasons like " mentes, its only for those who take fast.." "y didnt u aske me wen i was eating that on that day, wen u came to my room, it was on d stool at that time, open packet.." etc etc...
[i ahvent even notised any packet over there on that dayu, asi i went for something else.. i think to give her books etc etc...]


we went into an argument and i said, "kriti u cant see any1's tears... but if u experience like what i feel then u will understand.."

then she asked me if im cursing her.. i said no, but i just feel like u should get it once, just for a moment.. such that u can understand it...

she agin asked am i feeling like she should also feel the same thing as a God's punishment or something like that...

i said no like that...

[i dont belive in a punishing God... if He keep grudges then what is d diff b/w man and God..?]

during d argument she has asked me wen i said it is not d place for idiots like me, "then y r u here..?"

may b she just asked it for the argument's sake, but i felt very bad as i asked this question myself many times.. i cudnt get an answer...

but wen some1 else asked me this, it went deeep inside my heart and made a deep cut there i guess... then i came back to room and listened to songs.. smoked a lot.. i mean abt 7 cigarettes... and cannot sleep now.. yeah now it is 5.17 in d morning....


i cried a lot now.. recited holy rosary too.. again and again im crying and crying.. it seems like my tears have no meaning or any value.. who cares about my tears?

God, y did u forsaken me? this small piece of shit is not that strong.. i cant bear any more pAIN... oh God, really give me some more strength.. or u just call me right now.. take me to heaven, i have already undergone so much hell life..

i am not doing a suicide just because i think about the people i have to take care and my family i guess...





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