All that is
so this just happened.
'Go on', i said to myself. If you don't try, you won't know. Besides what've you got to loose? 'Other than the fact that he also works in the advertising industry and it's a fairly minuscule one. He's Account director so you're probably bound to cross paths at some point in future... but go on, he did say he's getting a new phone, so maybe he didn't get your message' I thought but come on, this has happened before - think of all the rules - the guy is a 28 yr old acc't drtr so obviously he's a go getter. if he wants something, he'll go for it. there were some cues when you met that pointed to his not-so-into-you. e.g. the slightest hesitation here and there? or was it imagined?? But then my other self said 'go for it, this could be the person that's the anomaly - despite him being an adonis - one of the most remarkably good looking guys i'd seen in ages, despite his prof status, his confidence (which he certainly was) and the fact that he was an aries. we do NOT get along. despite all of this, this part of me said 'go on, there could be a chance - besides all of that stuff is bullshit'
well i'm here to say that it's not bullshit. It's all fucking true. all the 'myths' about sleeping with someone on the first date, not calling first, putting yourself out there, if he doesn't reach out he's not into you, he's-just-not-that-into-you...' IT'S ALL FUCKING TRUE.
So, bravery - or stupidity - eventually prevailed at around 7.10pm this evening. I rang this adonis-account director. (he didn't have my number as his work were sorting him out with a new phone etc), so he gave me his card (another red flag which I blissfully ignored), and lo and behold, he answers.. . I say hello (of course he doesn't know who it is, so i let him know it's me). He remembers. HE REMEMBERS! then I just go on about how I didn't know whether he'd gotten his phone back etc.. then I go for the kill (not directly, more side stepping, from left to right, typically). 'I wanted to find out whether you were still up for getting coffee or something' and he says 'Yea-..ah' (in just that way) '..although, I've just started seeing someone, so in that sense probably not. cos I don't think she'd be too happy about it... ..sooOrry' (in just that way again). then i laugh and say 'ahh no worries' then he laughs awkwardly and apologises again, then I say 'well i'll see you around (don't know why the fuck i said that), have a lovely evening, - he says the same, and we say 'bye!' then that was it.
My stomach is still churning from the humiliation of it. to feel that exposed. I can't remember the last time I boldly 'asked someone out' like that... and then the answer just being 'i'm seeing someone' - a shameless and expertly executed little white lie, needless to say, and no doubt used by him countless times before to kindly shatter the hopes other romantically ambitious, tragically persevering doe-eyed types.
And so it's done. I called, he said no (as admittedly I suspected he might, since I did think it was a long shot - the painstakingly gorgeous only notice their painstakingly gorgeous counterparts. It's like business. Why would you want to acquire a business that couldn't elevate your status if it wasn't at least on par with yours? Same thing, whether or not we realise or admit it). Ego (only very slightly) bruised, I'm more worried about a future encounter - his company is one of the most prestigious in the ad world and so is obviously on my radar for employment. Also I deeply cringe at the thought that for free, I've just handed him some conversation gold, which he'll no doubt use to brighten up his morning (and that of his colleagues), tomorrow. That I can still form a sentence and put it on here, I take as evidence that this feeling right now is only short
Should have lost the fucking card.
Not all bad though. Something inside me feels jumpy, in a good way. Like something's been stirred. They do say though, take risks everyday. Everyday, try something, or try asking for something that you fear you might fail at. Get used to rejection. Get used to rejection. The quote sounded more uplifting and inspiring than what i've just written, but in a nut shell that was it.