I feel dry
He is tugging my cape again. He has been doing this for years but I keep ignoring him. I don’t want to go with him. I am scared I will fail him the same way I have failed anyone that has bothered to be close to me. He is all that I have left so I will rather him thug at me than I fail him. He wants me to come with him so that he can g o ahead of me. He will open doors that are shut before I get there…he will turn darkness to light before I open my eyes….he will shield me as I walk through my route full of them with their swords and knives…..he will prepare a place for me to rest when I labour…he will do all things.
I am going to spend 5 days from Monday with him, I want to hear him, I will nullify my outer being to allow my inner self to feel him. Next weekend will probably be the most significant moment of my life as I plan to leave my house or at least make up my mind to definitely leave. Before then I will spend 5 days of just liquid diet so I can hear him. There is no disguising it; my soul has been ripped out.
Today I just want to sleep while listening to a song called ‘Baba’ by Sonnie Badu….I want God to send his rain to pour on me…I feel so dry.