Vanilla

Not good enough

I feel like im just not good enough. And I cant stop feeling that way. Its annoying me. Its bringing me down. Why do I have to get like this? How do I stop it? It stomps on everything. Its not like im expecting anything or that anything can happen. Its making me feel sick, its making me feel like Im gonna cry. How do I control this? I just wish I had the ability...but I just don’t..I succcck. I think I drive people away, even if they do like me...with my godamn obsession, I try to cover it as best as I can so I don’t look like an idiot but then I just appear cold. I need to stop this. Its stupid. Nothing can come of it anyway. Its not even a nice feeling, it makes me feel horrible and panicky and...arghghghghgh. I need to go out and everyones with their damn bf its making me want to cry, that I have to go home to nothingness just emptiness every fuking day and sometimes I feel sick of it today anyway. The one day that Im meant to relax and I cant because everyones chilling. They deserve to be happy..but then so do i, So why cant i get some happiness?

My chance to shine or be happy never seems to come. I need to man up and shake this feeling. Its NOTTTT going to happen get the fuk over it. Just stop it END IT. END how you feel. Its not even feelings its a bloody delusion. Get over it. You don’t even know this person...boohoo you feel a connection like youve never felt that before Look where that ends up. Look where it all ever ended up. Please do NOT keep faith in that department clearly you have bad luck. Deal with it, don’t make anymore mistakes, give yourself a break mate.

Distract yourself.