Little Drummer Girl

Life as I see it
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2013-02-13 13:28:11 (UTC)

Day 10

I’m going out to lunch with Juergen, Jeff Michalski and Marina today and I’m apprehensive as usual. It was like that yesterday too when I went out to lunch with the girls. And it was like that when our friends came over for the Superbowl. What am I afraid of? Why do I get so nervous? I want it to go well and I just get nervous that people won’t like me I think. What a toolbox. *smh* I was just talking about this the other day with Drea. 99% of the time I have fun once I get there. I find that just as some people use alcohol for courage, I use food. It is a known fact that eating releases endorphins into your system, so in a way it is its own form of drug.

I can’t eat a lot today because it’s Ash Wednesday. I can’t talk about the fact that I can’t eat a lot today because it’s Ash Wednesday. I feel a little bit like Fight Club here. I am hungry. What I need to be doing is concentrating on Christ’s sacrifice for us with every hunger pang I feel.

The new girl (Marina) is really pretty. Aaaaand we’re back. ^^that didn’t last long. And she’s smart and successful and fashionable. In fact she’s really fashionable (in an extremely professional way). And she’s only 22. She’s already getting noticed by higher-ups both here and Germany as well (she’s German). I have to hand it to the girl, she has a presence. Part of me wants to make excuses like, she probably knows someone/father is on the board or something. But that’s just jealousy talking. She probably got where she is because she’s a total rock star. I’m happy for her though. I just have to figure out how to get noticed. I can be good at my job. I’m not worried about that. But can I be great? Can I be fresh and new and innovative enough to be a stand-out/leader? I hope so… But I’ve learned it either is or isn’t. Sure I can think of ideas as opportunities present themselves, but in a way it’s a bit predetermined. I either have a propensity for this position, or I don’t – plain and simple.

Just got back from lunch – Marina is great! She is SO nice. I really enjoyed speaking German! Woohoo!!!

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