Little Drummer Girl

Life as I see it
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2013-02-08 10:30:29 (UTC)

Day 5

And just like that… it gets hard again. It snowed overnight, but more importantly there was freezing rain. The four of us in Lane’s group agreed to work from home today because of it. It is a welcome reprieve. I do love sitting lazily on the couch in my pajamas, typing away on my computer. But at the same time it does present another challenge. It’s days like this in the past that would throw me off the wagon. Unfortunately I’ve gotten myself in the habit of associating eating with relaxing. Whenever I crash for the weekend especially, the first thing my mind drifts towards is food. Ironically, this is especially true after a week like this one where I have been successful. The little voice in the back of my head tells me that it’s ok to pig out, that I deserve it. In fact, the opposite is true. After I go on a binge, I feel out of control. All my stressors and worriers come rushing back in. So to combat that I eat more… and more… and more, until I’m not even enjoying the food that I’m eating anymore. That cycle needs to end. Today. Now. I have to remind myself that it’s hardest in the beginning. That it will get easier with time. I have to do the hard work and make a change. I CAN do it. It IS worth it. So far, so good today. I just have to keep it that way…