Little Drummer Girl

Life as I see it
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2013-02-06 13:38:14 (UTC)

Day 3

I’m happy that it’s day 3, but I already find myself concentrating on the future. In general, I’ve always been good at delayed gratification. But for whatever reason, my patience dwindles to zip when it comes to weight loss. Why can’t I just live in the moment and be happy? Why am I so hard on myself? I set ridiculous standards for myself that I never would expect of other people. I rarely congratulate myself when I should. I tend to make excuses of why it wasn’t so hard to begin with, or if I’ve struggled to reach the goal why I shouldn’t have even been struggling in the first place. Instead of celebrating my victories, I move right along to the next goal. We talked about it in counseling a couple of weeks ago. Talking it out with our counselor really helped me understand that a) I deserve to be happy and b) I owe it to myself to really work on this aspect of my life. It’s good to have goals, but not when you become so focused on them you forget to enjoy your life along the way. As the Germans say, “Der Weg ist das Ziel.” I never really understood that before.

One thing I’ve discovered with myself is that I need something to constantly be working on. One of the issues I find with eating is that it is inaction instead of an action. Sure you can work out and actively make healthy choices, but I find the idea of constant resistance more difficult. Because after you work out you are done for the day and you feel accomplished. Whereas resisting eating that Reese’s cup is never truly over.

I also tend to overwhelm myself with goals. I am not satisfied until I can barely keep my head above water. I keep myself running full speed ahead until I inevitably crash. And then I spend two days on the couch eating cookie dough reanalyzing my strategy and wondering how I got myself in this predicament. I’m hoping these journals will help that.