I need to find inner strength to allow me go through studying and seating for my exams this May before embarking on the separation of my marriage. I feel very sad but ultimately there is nothing I can do. I hope after we part I will then be able to show the person I am. A good father and a caring person who made mistakes. It would not be easy (the separation) on my part anyway. I never thought in my wildest dreams that this would happen. I still seem to be in some kind of trance or like watching someone else. I am still trying to come to terms with it. I feel hurt, very hurt. I have done so much for my family and I would have thought that would count for something in the least an acknowledgement but all the vibes is pointing at a man that made her life a misery throughout the marriage. I hope time will vindicate me. Having said that I cant just fold my hands and wait for time to vindicate me. I have to show what is in me, I am confident about this. I have a lot of work to do, this would require my full concentration and focusing on what is important and my goals. The next 1 year in my life will be a turning point but it is in my hands to make it a turning for the better.
I have to find a way to let go of any anger or hurt. The beauty would be in the way I go forward from here with no bitterness at all. I will have to find a way to compensate my children. I will try with everything I have to be a father so much that the separation will have less effect than expected. I hope to fly away from this with my wings spread out wide as i glide towards the clear blue sky, clear space ahead of me and life within my hands to make my destiny. I will be honest, I am scared and i feel like crying but I just have to continue to look forward.