magnoliamagmay

I will think of a Diary name
2013-04-20 23:18:04 (UTC)

my boyfriends dad died

im so worried about marloun. my heart is in my stomach. i feel horrible like i need to throw up. This has lasted for 3 days now since he's told me. I feel so guilty because before this i was sometimes mean and really demanding of marloun but idk that's just how i am and JESUS if i knew his dad was dieing i would of been a million times nicer. On the other hand that shows me the kind of person i am;only being nice when i know i need to... . What you gonna do now its done with Ive made my mistake as a girlfriend but HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. i was mad the day his dad died at marloun because he never told me that his dad got worse. Im not mad anymore about it cause i talked to mar about it in the nicest way possible. He told me that he didn't think his dad was gonna go and that he didnt wanna worry me. marloun is that kind of person but GOSH DAMNIT WORRY ME PLEASEEE. i just wanna be there for him and it sucks that he chose to go through his dads sickness alone. You would think he would tell me if his dad got worse because weve been together for freakin 4 years. BUT Marloun has opened up to me more then he has to any other person and i forgive him for not telling me cause he honestly didnt know that his dad was gonna die. i just really wish i could of been there for him. Honestly Im more mad at myself for being demanding, mean and all these things when his dad was hurting. I just added more on marlouns shoulders then he needed. If only i would of known i would of been a totally different person. I also feel unbelievably selfish. I shouldnt be talking about myself.i should put myself aside and thats what im trying to do. I just want him to be alright because i love him with all my heart i really wish i could show that to him better.




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