DayDreamer23

Figurative Language
2013-04-16 01:37:40 (UTC)

This is me today

Dear Kitty,

I love this drizzly rainy weather that we are having here tonight. It's soothing to the mind. It's 8:38 right now so i think that i will read till i go to bed because my mind needs some nutritional gum. I've been trying to be really optimistic lately because i don't have time to worry or be unhappy. I think it is working because i haven't felt the horrific urge to cut for a few weeks, though i can still feel some raised bumps were the last one were. I wonder what my mom would think if she knew, she always says things when the topic of self harm comes up that make me think she would be so disgusted and ashamed and i just don't think i'll ever tell her it happened because i don't really want to tell anymore people right now. I think i'd like to keep these things to myself for a little while till i can sort them out in my head.
My high school life is so terrible, Sometimes i just want to hit myself because of the stupid impulsive things i say and do. Like i look back and I'm just like 'no!' I want to be aware of what i'm doing all the time but i just forget to be cool sometimes and i act so weird and hyper and i just wish i could take some of those moments back because i wouldn't want to talk to myself if i acted like that and i just want people to feel un offended by me and want to be my friend. I think people secretly hate me. Like the one friend everyone is just like nice to but everyone secretly wishes would leave. The only problem is that i don't have that kind of set group of friends that a lot of people have and it makes me feel awkward when i go to parties or get invited places because i'm not in a 'group'
Groups make me think of labels and i don't like labels they are just terrible. Labels and Categories, people use them so often. Like some sort of comfortable easy way of judging people into what you want them to be labeled as. I hate that. I want people to just stop being so ignorant sometimes. I think religion is a lot of the reason people do this but it isn't always the reason.

Grrr i hate it when people have the gull to judge me for not believing in god. Like they think i'm insulting their religion, i'm not you just don't like the idea of me thinking that i can live happily without your group delusion or a higher being. Let's get real, you really sound stupid when you say those things I respect your beliefs, i expect the same respect in return.




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