Experienced Life
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2013-04-12 21:49:02 (UTC)

Pre Barn Dance mtg

Our group had a meeting tonight for the upcoming barn dance we're having in a couple weeks. Lisa of course was there. The group pretty much knows I like her and they support me on it. They're like a flock of geese sort of nudging her to fly my way. lol. So it's funny how the whole entire group got my back.

She is as beautiful to me as ever. I make her laugh and smile everytime we chat. I say the funniest silliest things sometimes. She still says no though. As everyone was leaving, I asked if she wanted to have some coffee or something. Of course, she says no.

It's still funny how the group just smiles when they see me nudge up to her. They all support it and are very happy for me that I am so into this woman. I understand things like this take time. I'm just scared that if I fall this time, I won't have the strength to get back up. It will hurt. I'm so scared. Never been this scared in a long long time. If she ever gets over whatever issue she is dealing with and actually does not find me interesting at all, then I have spent all I can and will be shit out of luck again. Only this time, this time.... I won't have the normal protection that I make for myself because I haven't felt this way for so long.

What is wrong with me? I'm losing control of my thoughts and feelings with this woman. I don't have the kids and maybe this woman won't want me. Don't remember when I was this scared. I could really fuck myself over soon. I don't need anymore lessons in life. I've been through so much already.

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