KMW

who am i to question life?
2013-04-16 14:50:20 (UTC)

Very few things hurt as much..

Very few things hurt as much as that did. He just pretended like he didn't even see me. Like I didn't exist. And then went to eat lunch with her. I'm going to cry.
I need him and he wants nothing to do with me. Nothing hurts me like this does. Nothing. Nothing even hurts me like he always does. Because he ALWAYS does.
I can't even process this. I just want him. Like c'mon. It's not fair that he can hurt me like this. Every single it goes right for once, it goes so wrong. Every single time.
So I'll just sit here and try my best not to say anything. If I talk, I'll just start crying and I really don't know if I'd be able to stop.
I just don't want to do this everyday. It's hard. It's so goddamn hard when he does this. And he never stops. I fuck up a lot, but he has to understand that I literally cannot take this. I'm already struggling. It's difficult enough. I'm trying so hard to make this all work and he doesn't even put in the effort. Doesn't he see that? Doesn't he care?
Who am I kidding... I'm falling in love with him. He's not falling in love with me and he probably won't. I'm not her and he's realizing that more everyday. And so am I. She was a lot better than me. She was thin, and beautiful and normal and smart. I'm none of those.
Just some ugly, stupid girl with an eating disorder that she's too weak to beat. Fat and useless, not even close to good enough. That's just who I am. Nothing special. Nothing worthy of love, nothing worthy of happiness.




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