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2013-04-10 06:52:07 (UTC)

Falling head over heels for this lady

Wow!!! I can't believe I'm feeling this. I've been sort of getting to know this lady in my group. This one isn't your usual cutie that I'd like to take out and get to know. We chatted and have gotten closer but this one is hitting me hard. I'm shocked and scared as heck that I'm feeling this. She knows I like her. She gives me little hints that she might like me (pathetic huh?). At least I think she does.

This is the same lady that told me I'm smart, funny and intelligent. However, I'm not suppose to ask her out but it's ok for me to flirt with her. So the other week, I told her that she should ask me out then it's a win-win situation. lol... Didn't work of course.

Anyway, she told me she had filed for divorce awhile ago and she left her ex in 2010. So she isn't ready for what I want with her. Told her I'd wait. Later, she said that if she was with someone, she is very jealous and I couldn't be in the group thing anymore. I told her no problem and that being jealous only means that she I make her laugh a lot.

So now I can't stop thinking of her. I don't flood her with emails and I give her room to breath. We've never gone out but did hang out last Sunday at our group wine tasting. We chartered a bus and I sat next to her of course. I really really really like her.

I know this is dangerous but I don't really have a choice do I? I can do nothing and play it safe, keep posting on this website and no harm no foul. Also, this will mean nothing will ever happen in my life that is of any significance.

I'm really hoping something happens with her. I see her pics and I feel like a kid again. Full of life. I never ever thought I could feel this for anyone again.

Now the bad. This will mean that I'll never be able to see the kiddos again because the ex is stupid and will be jealous. Also, Lisa can throw me into the "friend zone" too and that will just devastate me. I don't think I could take this hit without any anguish. I'm not used to falling for someone and having the strength to shake off the feelings should I be told they don't want me.

I'm going to roll the dice and take a chance. I'm so scared because I really don't know if I can take the fall should it happen. If I should crash and burn........ well, that would suck but at least I'd have something interesting to write about again. It has been awhile since I said anything of worth.

I prayed last night for myself. I almost never pray for me. Usually it's for a sick friend and mostly it's for the kiddos. This was for me this time. I just asked for strength should things go bad and Lisa doesn't want me the way I want her. I still can't believe I'm falling for her.

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