It is was it is
I feel I have snapped out of the ‘pity’ state I have been dwelling in.
When I look back it is mainly because of the guilt that consumed me. This made me take up a subordinate position and let her take control and dictate everything. I think I have just about had enough of all that. I feel better with myself and I look forward to negotiating her exit (or mine) as we agree on arrangements for the kids. There wouldn’t be any shilly-shally on my part but firm assertive actions and plans. I will be very fair but firm. When I look back I can see the biggest mistake I ever made. I should have been firmer with her and demand more from her. I always differed to her and my feelings and requirements were always secondary to hers. All of these for nothing and I think it is worse as I believe she probably prefers a tougher and more assertive person. I will never make that mistake again. I now need to put my head down, study for my exams, pass the exams then start the process of separation.
My daughter told me yesterday that she and her brothers and mummy are moving out and going to a new home. She is only 6 years old. To be fair on my wife I guess if she is going to move out she might as well start preparing them. I will need to be very strong (it will not be easy) as I will be losing the things dearest to me but it is what it is.